Body Image Dissatisfaction in Midlife Women

Body image can be defined as one’s evaluation of or feelings towards one’s body. Although body image and body dissatisfaction was long thought to be an ailment of teenage girls, body image issues are now becoming more apparent in midlife women (Lewis & Cachelin, 2001).

According to Lewis and Cachelin, the current social pressures and concerns with ageing, the belief that slim physiques result in youthful looks, and the unrealistic expectation for middle-aged women to retain their youthful appearance are significant contributors to the development of body image issues in older women. Even magazines aimed at midlife women typically show younger women on their covers and in the fashion and beauty sections. The magazines that do use older women show them to be 15 years younger, as signs of age are airbrushed (Nett, 1991). As such it is getting harder for ageing women to feel comfortable in their bodies.

The question that remains is why do middle-aged women use younger women as a reference point? Below are 3 explanations.

1. Social Comparison: Today’s beauty standard is based on the young women found in the media. Thus, women compare themselves to these standards to evaluate their level of attractiveness. Although, one would expect older women to be less likely to identify with females 30 or more years younger than them due to differences in lifestyle, maturity levels and inevitable body changes that occur with age, research shows that women of all ages compare themselves to the models portrayed in the media (Lin & Kulik, 2002; Tiggemann & McGill, 2004; Hawkins, Richards, Granley, & Stein; 2004).

2. Individual Thin Ideal Internalization: Thin ideal internalization happens when a person absorbs the attitude approved by those around them such as, the family, peers, and the media. McLaren, Kuh, Hardy and Gauvin (2004) looked at the effects of body-related comments that middle-aged women, 54 years of age, could recall throughout their life. They found that women absorb the opinions of family members and the impact of social feedback on body-esteem is not restricted to younger females. Negative comments received in adulthood by significant others, such as, life partners, have similar effects on body dissatisfaction.

3. Thin-Ideal as a Predictor of Success: Women experience a great deal of external pressures, to be thin, particularly, when other benefits of being thin are praised to her. Studies found that attractive people are perceived to possess more desirable traits and positive life outcomes than less attractive people (Eagly, Ashmore, Makhijani, & Longo, 1991). According to Harrison (1997) this cultural belief that physical attractiveness is key to life success is why older women compare themselves to thin ideals and why they are dissatisfied with their less than perfect bodies. Because the majority of women in their midlife do not look like the successful looking models, they may feel they are also lacking in other areas of life which create negative feelings about the self.

Interested in more information? Join me on Twitter for a live discussion of body image issues; Thursday 4PM EST #AskTheCoach

This is YOUR time to choose to how you perceive and think about yourself! Life Choices - Yours to Make!

Bruno LoGreco, Life Coach Toronto

Reference:

Eagly, A. H., Ashmore, R. D., Makhijani, M. G., & Longo, L. C. (1991). What is beautiful is good, but…: a meta-analytic review of research on the physical attractiveness stereotype. Psychological Bulletin, 110, 109-128. Lewis, D. M., & Cachelin, F. M. (2001). Body image, body dissatisfaction, and eating attitudes in midlife and elderly women. Eating Disorders, 9, 29- 39. Nett, E. M. (1991). Is there life after fifty? Images of middle age for women in Chatelaine Magazine, 1984. Journal of Women and Aging, 3, 93-115. Lin, L. F., & Kulik, J. A. (2002). Social Comparison and women’s body dissatisfaction. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 24, 115-123. Hawkins, N., Richards, P. S., Granley, H. M., & Stein, D. M. (2004). The impact of exposure to the thin-ideal media image on women. Eating Disorders, 12, 35-50. Tiggemann, M., & McGill, B. (2004). The role of social comparison in the effect of magazine advertisements on women’s mood and body dissatisfaction. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 23, 23-44. McLaren, L., Kuh, D., Hardy, R., Gauvin, L. (2004). Positive and negative body-related comments and their relationship with body dissatisfaction in middle-aged women. Psychology and Health, 19, 261-272.

Body Image Dissatisfaction in Midlife Women

When You Are Too Busy To Feel It - 3 Steps to Creating 'Me' Time

If your days seem to be filled with endless tasks to complete without making time for moments to enjoy, perhaps it’s time to put some “me time” on your to-do list.

In my experience as a life coach, I have found that more and more people—women especially—find it incredibly difficult to take time for themselves. Combining the nurturing roles of spouse, parent, child, sibling and friend with the daily stresses of a career is not only exhausting but time-consuming and overwhelming. Fitting in time for yourself is often the easiest thing to cross off your to-do list. When we put ourselves last, however, we often end up losing sight of what is important to us and what we need to be our best.

Recently, I had the opportunity to speak with a reporter who interviewed me months ago. Since each person’s experience with a life coach is different, I decided to ask her what she learned from our meeting. In our hour together, we talked how the various aspects of her life that made her happy and sad, and if she was able to find a balance.

“The one hour I spent with you was intense and an eye-opener…how I allowed myself to get THAT busy. The interesting thing about our meeting was that I spent an hour focusing on myself for the first time. I had heard many women speak about women’s intuition—a gut feeling they get when they fall off the beaten path…but not me. I never got that feeling so I didn’t believe I was off. But how could I if I was too busy to even notice it? What’s worse, is when I was too busy, I self-medicated…and my drug of choice was food. I used food to suppress the feeling.”

During our meeting, Susan* mentioned she often resorted to yelling as a method of communicating with her husband and children when her built-up anger became too overwhelming to contain.

“After speaking with you, I realized I was taking out my frustration with the kids and my husband. I’m not saying I am perfect, but I am more aware. Now, I get down to my kids’ eye level when I speak to them instead of yelling at them. This strategy has made me a better person already.”

Changing your behaviour for the long term can be difficult if you don’t truly understand why you behave that way in the first place. After some soul-searching, Susan was able to realize she was battling a lifetime of self-doubt and trying to compensate by taking on more than she could—or needed—to handle.

“I was taking on too much. I probably wasn’t communicating or setting boundaries with anyone because I believed I wasn’t contributing enough…I wasn’t doing enough. I always had a need to prove myself…most of my life I’ve felt as if I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. So I did everything I could to try to get some appreciation/validation to make up for it and when I didn’t get it, the message played in my head like a broken record: You’re Not Good Enough. When I realized where those messages originated from, it was clear who still had control over me—I simply took back my control.”

When we met, time was a major concern for Susan and she was struggling to find the perfect balance between her work and home life.

“I took a strong look at all the work I was doing and what I really wanted to do. I also noticed how much energy I spent fixating on stuff I didn’t want to do. I used that time to make self-serving plans and a strategy to move forward. Family was a the top of the list. Now, I spend more time with my family and work is at a place that feels good. Today, I would say I am a happy person.”

By taking time to reflect on what was really important and examine the reasons for her behaviour, Susan was able to make significant changes in her life.

“You need to take a moment to realize what feels good,” says Susan. “When you are too busy to feel it, you don’t realize what you’re missing.”

Give yourself permission to take a break and to follow 3 simple steps to create 'me' time

1. Schedule “me” time into the calendar. Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day, spend that time journaling about your thoughts, paying close attention to how you feel. If you make it the same time each day, your “me” time will become part of your daily routine.


2. Take up a hobby. Find something you enjoy that you get completely lost in. Having a clear mind can bring about many epiphanies, but the key lies in silencing the mind long enough to have them; hobbies have a way of doing just that.


3. Talk to a life coach. Take an hour and talk to a professional. Making it all about you is extremely soothing, and you may discover the underlying reasons for some of your previous actions and ongoing behaviour.

Bruno LoGreco, life coach toronto, author & spokesperson

When You Are Too Busy To Feel It - 3 Steps to Creating 'Me' Time

The inferiority complex: Measuring up to societal standards can be expensive

Despite the fact that many of us are quick to compare ourselves to societal standards many of us don’t realize how often we think poorly of ourselves or of what this can cost us.

Many of us suffer from feelings of inferiority in many areas of our lives. Whether we compare ourselves on our ability to speak multiple languages, our fitness level, our level of attractiveness, our ability to sing, our ability as a parent, or our ability to do our job, it appears that we can never quite measure up to others.

Although it is true that there are individuals (and sometimes a long list of individuals) who are better than us, feelings of inferiority do not originate from facts or objective information. Feelings of inferiority originate from our personal conclusions regarding facts. Our feelings of inferiority come from self-evaluation based, not on our own standards, but on society’s ever-changing norms. Many of us believe that we need to and should measure up to society’s norm, though hardly any of us actually do.

The bigger issue is that we have a hard time separating society’s norms from our personal norms or ideals. In fact, the majority of us no longer bother forming our own norms and ideals but accept societal norms as our own measure of what a person should be. As a result, we are destined to feel a lifetime of negative feelings because of our perceived inadequacy.

More importantly, feelings of inadequacy can be expensive as they serve as a barrier to our success and happiness. When we feel like we do not measure up to the person we believe we should be, often times we’ll believe we do not deserve or can’t achieve happiness or success.

To improve our level of happiness we must understand that we, just like everyone else, are unique with unique skills and talents. The ideal person defined by society is non-existent, fake, and often times shallow. When we fully apply our true selves we rise above this petty standard and we demonstrate the enormous amount of good we have to offer to our community and the world. When we, however, belittle ourselves because of societal norms we hold ourselves back from living to our full potential and from fulfilling our life person. This lack of achievement and progress brings us unhappiness and feelings of failure, reinforcing our feelings of inferiority.

To make the most of our experiences in life it is time to create our own norms and our own ideals we can use for self-evaluation. By doing this we set realistic standards with personal meaning. This process will allow us to eliminate feelings of inferiority that are caused from unachievable standards. The process will also allow us to express ourselves, our strengths, and our skills. It will help us to become the person we were meant to be while being blessed with joy, love, and success.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach Toronto, Author & Television Personality

The inferiority complex: Measuring up to societal standards can be expensive

A Worthless Life Overwhelmed With Responsibilities. When Is It My Turn?

The day begins early in the morning for many people. For some it starts by getting children up and ready for school. That means awakening them from a deep sleep, getting them dressed, fed, and out the door on time. For others it’s a dash to work but not before spending closer to an hour in traffic. And for many it’s both – dropping children off at school and then making a mad dash to work.

After a long day of listening to colleagues talk in circles and push paper from one bin to another, its another mad dash back to the school to chauffeur the kids to their after school activity. By the time everything is said and done its too late to do anything else other than get home, undress and hopefully relax if dinner doesn’t need to be prepared and the kids don’t need their homework checked.

Is it any wonder so many people feel goals are unachievable. Life is too difficult, as it is, to worry about chasing a dream. There’s just too much happening in one day already. The day is packed with responsibilities - Relationships, family, driving kids to and from activities and school, career, and a social life, and in the midst of it all the day-to-day errands. Its constant go-go-go from the moment they wake to the moment they lay their head down to sleep. It’s exhausting and there isn’t enough time in a day to think of anything else, is there?

Forget about goals and dreams for a moment and think about your ‘self-worth’. After many years of running here and there, doing this and that for everyone and never really doing anything for yourself, how do you feel?

How do you think you will feel after a decade or two of that kind of lifestyle? Yes, you do have responsibilities and commitments especially if you have children, but what about YOU? What about your responsibility to take care of YOU? You will be useless to all those people that depend on you if you fall ill. You need to accept that you are equally important as everyone else before you begin to feel like your worthless, or not good enough, or simply that nobody appreciates what you do for him or her.

Maybe you already feel that you’re not good enough and subconsciously believe those are the things you must do for you to feel like you are ‘good enough’. Perhaps you take advice from your friends, family and colleagues, that doesn’t bode well with your natural intuition and it leaves you feeling incapable of do anything for yourself. If you do feel this way already it is time you start taking care of you. You need to because if you don’t nobody will. And that’s a harsh reality.

It is time to accept that you are equally important as everyone else and to start doing things for YOU. Here is how you get started:

Three Simple Effective Steps To Make It Your Turn

1. Think back to a period in your life when you were not overwhelmed by responsibilities. How old were you? What activities did you enjoy? Did you enjoy things like art, sports, writing, meditating, improv, maybe you enjoyed things like building and fixing stuff? Make a list of those things. Try to remember at least 10 things you enjoyed.

2. After writing the list review and organize it relevant to your interests and pick the top 3.

3. Schedule time for YOU weekly, and participate in those activities.

If you follow these very simple yet effective steps, you will rediscover yourself. You will feel happier and those around you will feel your happiness and will be happy for you. You might even discover that self-happiness has a way of making life less difficult and more enjoyable all while making the realization that it IS your turn.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor, Motivational Speaker and TV Personality

A Worthless Life Overwhelmed With Responsibilities. When Is It My Turn?

Did You Tell Yourself Today That You're Worth It?

Self-esteem is what makes you feel good or bad about yourself. It will fluctuate from day to day and sometimes from moment to moment. It really will depend on the various elements within your life that are constantly changing and how you perceive yourself within each, which will determine your self-esteem.

Self-confidence is an internal belief of whether or not you are competent to fulfill an obligation from start to finish. You might draw upon past experiences to determine your confidence, or you might use wisdom and experience to develop new confidence. Whatever your confidence level is, it could impact your self-esteem if you are left feeling incompetent.

Self-worth is the feeling of being “good enough” your self-value. It’s an overall measure of your worth, which encompasses self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-respect, etc. But, by the mere fact that you were born into this Universe, you already are worthwhile and are invaluable. Your self-value should be equal to and never less than anyone else.

Self-love is what you owe to yourself for being unique. You should be proud of yourself and accept who you are with your strengths and all your weaknesses, likes and dislikes. If you do, you will develop a deeper level of confidence and will feel happier about being you.

Your belief system is what controls everything. Self-confidence, self-love, self-worth, etc., it even controls your behavior – how you act and react to situations. It’s been developing from childhood – your education, life lessons, and wisdom together create your beliefs. What you believe about yourself is how you develop your personality and character traits. And those determine how assertive or aggressive, confidant or shy you will be in any given situation.

Self-esteem is what you believe you can or cannot achieve. Its how you feel about yourself and the value you place on your self-worth. Its how much you know or how little you accept who you are. Self-esteem really is how you perceive yourself, your own knowledge about you.

Boost your self-esteem and feel good about yourself. Make an effort today to tell yourself how worth it you really are, because you’re worth it.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Did You Tell Yourself Today That You're Worth It?

Chocolate Chocolate Read All About - Worthless Nothing Becomes Something After learning The Affects of Environmental Noise.

Environmental noise is what I refer to as anything that connects with any of our five senses – touch, taste, smell, sound and sight. Pretty much everything that comes into our sight or something we hear, taste, smell or touch can influence our judgment and alter our ability to make sound decisions. All it takes is a lack of confidence in one major aspect of life and we will be off validating whatever thought we hear including the negative self-talk in our head.

Negative self-talk is easily validated in an environment governed by people that thrive off of negative self-talk. Someone whom feels they are worthless and can articulate his or her thoughts and emotions could influence someone within the environment into believing they too are worthless. Misery enjoys company. How sweet is it to share worthless experiences and to commiserate? It really doesn’t take much to influence someone that is feeling down and blue. Just speak to their emotions and you will quickly win them over.

A single taste of decadent chocolate has the potential to influence someone whose dream is to open a lollipop shop into believing that decadent chocolate is a better way to go. When the decadence of the chocolate awakes his taste buds it also awakens and heighten the remaining four senses to be on the lookout for anything to validate the reason why decadent chocolate is the better way to go. The people within the environment can be used to calculate potential revenue to compare against any existing financials to further validate the thought. See for yourself, all you have to do is walk into a shoe store and observe women justifying why they need to buy their 20th pair this month.

Noise is everywhere and everything and anybody can be easily sucked into it. Chance is, you are already in it and might not even be aware of it. Only a small percentage of people have the natural ability to steer through noise and not let it influence their decisions. The good news is those whom are not naturally able to steer through noise can learn how to with awareness.

Even the person who was down and blue that lacked confidence and self-esteem and believed he was nothing, was able to see the amount of influence he was under because of his environment and the level of noise. It took five years for him to see what he could not see - The power and the influence the noise did have on him. Today he lives his true intention, free from environmental noise doing the things he could only dream of one year ago.

Now you can answer your own question: Am I really as fucked up as I think I am

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Chocolate Chocolate Read All About - Worthless Nothing Becomes Something After learning The Affects of Environmental Noise.

Behavior Patterns - A Harsh Warning

Self-destructive behavior patterns caused by psychological trauma will create an illusion of ones self-worth. When children are exposed to metal and or physical abuse they can develop a scale that will measure their self-worth, which subconsciously influences their actions and feelings when they become young adults.

The type of abuse a child is exposed to will determine the behavior patterns that may persist in adulthood. Studies show the part of the brain, the frontal lobe, which is the part of the brain that associates action with consequence, does not fully develop until between the ages of 25 to 30. This means that some young adult are making choices that have long term serious consequences they cannot foresee.

I do not enjoy scaring people, as a matter of fact I’m known as a supporter and cheerleader, however, I’m also known for calling a spade a spade when I see one.

If you have been exposed to any amount of psychological trauma in your early developmental years and you are reading this post, ask yourself the following question: 

Do I use the words “MY TYPE” to defend my actions and behavior? 

If you answered YES, I use “MY TYPE” in a sentence to defend your actions and behaviors to concerned friends and family, I must warn you that you will regret your actions when the part of the brain I referred to is fully matured. 

Your self-worth and what you feel you deserve today is an illusion that was created largely in part because of your past environment. Take a step back and look into your past - Identify the pattern of abuse you tolerate today and match it to the abuse you were exposed to at young age. Look carefully, do you recognize your “TYPE”

Open your eyes! Your actions have serious consequences that you will regret in just a few short year.

Behavior Patterns - A Harsh Warning

How do you measure your self-worth?

"I want to be the best that I can be. I challenge myself each day by achieving perfection."

What happens when you don’t achieve perfection? 

"I do what I need to do to achieve perfection."

How do you know when you have achieved perfection? 

"Because I could see it in their faces, they love what I’ve done or how I made them feel."

 

Who's "They?"

"Them, all of them, you, her, him - everybody around me."

What happens when you don’t make them happy or they don’t like what you did for them? 

"It means I haven’t reached perfection, so I will better myself for the next time." 

So you measure yourself based on how other people react?

"Of course, I’m a giver. My purpose is to make other people happy."

What happens when you don’t make those people happy? 

"For example: If someone came to my house for dinner and they did not eat my food, I would be offended. And not only that, but they are also saying that my house is dirty, or that they don't like the way my house looks, or something. So the next time they come over I will make sure the house is spotless and that I cook a bigger and better meal than the last time." 

Do you find anything odd about what you just said? 

"No, that’s the way I am. I’m here to make other people happy by giving them happiness through the things that bring me joy." 

What brings you JOY? 

"Making others happy"

You base your self-worth by how others respond to you for the things you do for them? 

"No... I didn’t mean it like that."

Then, what did you mean? 

How do you measure your self-worth?

Confidence Crushed In Public View

I love Starbucks. I often stop at Starbucks for a non-fat latte. Yesterday afternoon on my way to the taping of Style By Jury, I stopped at Chapters/Indigo at Hwy 7 and Yonge Street for my daily dose of java. My mind was slightly preoccupied because I had to memorize a few lines for the show.

I walked into Chapters/Indigo and from a distance I heard a muffled voice. It sounded like someone was being lectured. As I approached the Starbucks counter, the voices grew louder and louder.

“What can I get you?” The man at the counter asked. “Can I have a Venti Non-Fat Latte, and a Pumpkin Scone please”? I replied. I open my walled, grabbed my debit card and swiped it through the debit terminal. “You better not do that ever again, do you understand me? Because if you do it one more time, you will be in big trouble?” I leaned forward and tiptoed over the counter to see who was uttering such threatening words and to whom.

My heart sank. I was witnessing a mother of a four year old reprimanding her son for no apparent reason. “You sit there and think about what you just did,” the mother continued, “You are bad boy.” She continued to speak firmly holding his wrist tightly.

I walked to the other side of Starbucks as I stood waiting for my latte. “You wait until you get home,” she muttered. I wanted to walk over to the boy and tell him that his mother was very angry, but not at him. My I eyes swelled with tears. I was so conflicted. I had no power and no authority. I needed to vacate immediately.

My coffee was ready. I added sugar, stirred my coffee, sealed it with a lid and made my way back towards the lady and her son. I glared at the lady, making eye contact with her. I wanted her to feel what her son was feeling. I don’t know if I was successful because I had to leave quickly, not to get myself into any trouble.

For most people situations like this one is where it all begins. When a child cannot express his emotions, or his expression of freedom because it is being crushed by an authoatiative figure in plain public view, not only is it embarrassing for the child but also whatever confidence they did have is being crushed to a pulp and left for others to see.

If you ever wondered why adults have low self-esteem, lack self-worth and don’t know what their dreams are? This is just one example of the many why adults lack confidence and self-worth. Children are meant to be children--to laugh, to play, and to have fun. From these activities they will gain inspiration that is desperately needed. Without inspiration children become soldiers, wondering who they are and where they belong when they grow into adults.

I want you to all know that it is not the mothers fault either. I’m not one to point fingers and put blame on parents. Parents do the best they can raising their children with the tools they were given by their parents. Unfortunately some of those tools are dated and have been proven to do more damage than good.

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

Confidence Crushed In Public View