What is Confidence?

Author: Sandra Smilovits

Self-Confidence is extremely important in practically all aspects of our lives; however all too many of us have chosen to suffer in silence, masking the fact that we just don’t have it! This was the path I had been lost to, which lead me towards my personal awakening. I had just lost my job and was feeling quite low, berating myself in every way imaginable. Then one day, I decided to simply let it go…It was then, I met my life coach, who later evolved into my mentor and my whole world changed!

My name is Sandra Smilovits and I have spent more than half my life struggling with indomitable self-confidence issues. I come from a good family, full of wonderful childhood experiences and opportunities at my finger-tips; yet the jaws of fear, ever so ominously looming in the wayside, always gave way to my resistance in anything and everything I inevitably was ‘encouraged’ to do. I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was not worthy, not smart enough, savvy or pretty enough. I always felt as though people were judging me and I never fit the bill.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person, your overall judgement of yourself. It boils down to the fact that you have self-respect, you also have self-love, as well as having self-worth. You value yourself! And why not, there is nobody else in this world like you. You are authentic and skilled and beautiful. The time had come for me to break down the barriers and truly live life as my Authentic Self. To stand tall and proud to follow my hearts dream and build on my own talents; to reclaim my self-confidence. I began to set small goals for myself and in achieving each goal I felt my self-esteem begin to flourish. Most importantly, I began to share my love for writing with the world!

Choosing to let go of all my failures and deceptions of my past, I was able to connect with my true inner being with the guided help of an extraordinarily talented life coach: Bruno LoGreco. With his guidance, I broke free of self-made obstacles and relinquished the chains of fear that used to consume my essence. Bruno’s gentle heart carefully navigated me through the forest of all my fears and ambiguities I had lead throughout my life, thus far. His careful tutelage and intuitiveness touched me, letting me know that I was indeed, not alone. Working openly and honestly with Bruno proved to be monumental for re-introducing my inner child to myself.

We all struggle with feelings of inadequacy from time to time. Bruno has taught me to be true to myself. In concentrating on the contributions you make to the betterment of the world, you will find that you will no longer have the inclination or the desire to fuss over your own inadequacies. This will surely increase your self-confidence and concede optimum efficiency in all your contributions. The more you contribute to the world the more you will be rewarded with personal success and recognition. Bruno has not only taught me this through his words but also through his actions. He is a guru in loving life to the fullest which starts with loving yourself first and foremost. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you Bruno. To any and all of you who may have resonated with anything at all I have written, I encourage you to take that leap of faith and re-connect with yourself. Believe in you!!!

To help you get your confidence under way Eva Lahman from Exel Bicosmetica is giving away Skincare products Thursday 4pm at #AskTheCoach

Bruno LoGreco life coach toronto, author & speaker

What is Confidence?

The Secrets of Self-Confidence

Guest Author: Ivana Pejakovic

The key to success, happiness, and overall life satisfaction is confidence. Those who lack confidence tend to miss out on opportunities that would bring them closer to what they desire.

While some people tend to lack confidence in multiple areas of their lives, others only lack it in one or two situations. We are most likely to lose our self-confidence when trying the new and unfamiliar (when we don’t have a clue as to how things will turn out) or in situations that bring up bad memories (e.g., presenting, meeting new people, etc.).

Self-confidence is not something we are born with; rather it is something we can build on throughout life. Unfortunately, confidence is not something that will automatically add up over time. Our level of confidence is influenced by our upbringing and it is dependent on how determined we are as adults to overcome our fears and build on our abilities.

Here are 6 steps you can take on a daily basis to help boost your confidence levels.



Self-awareness: Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, attitude, and behaviour is an important part of building self-confidence. Knowing what makes you nervous or uncomfortable is the first step to gaining the confidence to overcome the fear.

Self-acceptance: After you become aware of yourself and of the situations that bring you discomfort, it is important you accept yourself as you are. This doesn’t mean you’re accepting the situation for what it is and you aren’t willing to change it. It’s simply an acknowledgment that you aren’t perfect. Once you can accept this, you can free your mind from negativity and you are able to start working towards improving the areas you wish.

Eliminating False Beliefs: Chances are you hold beliefs about yourself that aren’t true. These beliefs hold you back from trying new things and as a result further deteriorate your confidence level. Challenge what you believe about your abilities and about what you deserve through everyday action. As you start showing yourself that you CAN accomplish things, you will start breaking down the false beliefs and building your confidence.

Positive Self-talk: Do you have a habit of putting yourself down? To build self-confidence, you absolutely must speak to yourself with respect and faith. Even when you’re not sure of how things will turn out, you need to speak to yourself in a positive, encouraging, and loyal manner.

Taking Responsibility: Everything that happens in your life is a result of how you thought and of what you did. At times, it is difficult to connect your role to an unfavourable or favourable outcome; however, with enough analysis you’ll be able to connect the dots. The purpose of taking responsibility of what happens in your life is not to blame yourself, but to gain a sense of control over yourself. Control means you have the power over how you behave and think. Knowing how much control you have over yourself in any situation automatically boosts self-confidence.

Keep Trying the New: There is no better way to build confidence than to try something new each day. You don’t have to start with major things, however if you try something new each day, over time you will notice you’ve become more daring. The trick of course is to be proactive in your life and search for new things you can experience.

Join me and our resident experts on Twitter for a live discussion of confidence and fear; Thursday, June 2nd at 4PM EST #AskTheCoach

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach, Author & Speaker

The Secrets of Self-Confidence

Conquering Fear

Are you afraid to try new things? Or do you make a few tentative steps then give up before you’ve had a chance to really begin? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? Is it to avoid failure or rejection? Do you feel the new task is too difficult, or you lack the required skill set? Is it a few steps too far out of your comfort zone? Are you concerned that others will point their fingers of judgment at your efforts?

If you answered yes to any of these responses, then shame on you. You’re justifying your fear with yet another Pyramid of Failure. They are not answers; they are excuses. There is only one correct response: you simply lack the confidence. You are accepting defeat and confirming the false belief that you are not good enough and reinforcing your negative self-defeating behaviours. When you lack self-confidence you allow fear to dominate your life and you miss out on many opportunities.

Fear feeds on itself, preventing you from completing many tasks. You begin to avoid situations where you will be forced to confront your fear, and experience a deceptive sense of relief. Sometimes new fears begin to emerge creating new restrictions and new situations to avoid. These behaviours further weaken your confidence, and strengthen your feelings of emptiness and regret. Accepting defeat without trying is one of the worst types of failure.

Don’t waste your energy giving strength to fear; focus it on rebuilding your self confidence and by trying things you have never tried before. It is always a challenge to do new things in life and just the act of accepting these challenges increases your conviction and lays the groundwork for renewed confidence and courage. Don't let fear stop you from enjoying life. Set a course to learn why you are afraid, and commit to learning the root cause of your fright so you can challenge and overcome it.

How to conquer fear before it conquers you:

1. Acknowledge the fear.

2. Recognize that the fear is irrational and poses no danger.

3. Ask yourself what would happen if you complete the task despite the fear.

4. Set a date for completion.

5. Visualize yourself completing the task.

6. On the date set make sure you complete the task.

7. In your journal, write down what you learned from the experience.

8. Read back what you wrote and refer to it often.

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach Toronto, Author & Speaker

Conquering Fear

Wipeout self-defeating & self-sabotaging false beliefs

Are you tired from doing nothing but lounging at home and surfing the Internet hoping to find the perfect thing for you to do; that “perfect” something where you will feel like you fit in and feel comfortable to be yourself? Staying home alone and doing nothing except surfing the Internet is a sure way for you to feel detached from the real world. You might be surfing the Internet for a very long time before you find that “perfect” something.

Trying to find where you fit in over the Internet and not in the real world is making matters worse. Stop making excuses for why you can’t do something in the real world because subconsciously each excuse adds greater value onto a developing self-defeating and self-sabotaging belief system. Find where you fit in within the real world. You could start from where you are at right now - in your home.

Actions speak louder than words.

Behavior and self-esteem have a direct correlation. Even the best intentions succumb to low self-esteem because of those underlying false belief which sound like “I’m not good enough” “no one will talk to me” “I’m not attractive” “I suck” “I’m over qualified” the list of excuses are endless – Those excuses are the foundation to Pyramids of Failure as described in: Polishing The Diamond Within – A Guide To Self Confidence. The subconscious has a large role in determining how you behave. So it is important for you to change what you believe about yourself.

Wipeout self-defeating & self-sabotaging false beliefs

1. Review Pyramids Of Failure.
2. Make a list of excuses you often use to avoid to doing something.
3. Next to each excuse answer: Why can’t I?
4. Prove each answer with facts. Ask yourself: Is my answer fact or assumption?
5. Add facts to every assumption by actively participating in an activity away from a computer screen.

Boost your self-esteem by changing what you believe about yourself and your abilities. When you replace assumptions with facts you start to develop a healthy sense of self-worth as you become an active participant in life. Get Up and Out to prove your assumption with facts.

Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Author & Television Personality

Wipeout self-defeating & self-sabotaging false beliefs

Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence

Self confidence is the foundation for success. Everything you are and everything you do depends on your self esteem. Your sense of worth forms the basis of your inner stability, your outer personality; and fuels your performances. Self confidence is not about beating your own drum or trumpeting your supremacy to the world. It is a quiet strength that comes from self-acceptance and inner contentment.


Self confidence:

• defines your self-worth

• provides a positive outlook on life and yourself

• defines how you acknowledge your inner strengths and weaknesses.

• provides the ability to accept the reality of your circumstances

• provides the courage to face your challenges

• proves your suitability for life’s tasks and situations.

• provides the foundation for happiness, well-being, and success.

• makes you more attractive to yourself and others

• makes you a better partner, lover and friend


To build your confidence you first have to know yourself. That process involves taking a thorough and honest look within to acknowledge the strengths humility may prevent you from accepting, and the faults that humiliation might prevent you from admitting. Self awareness is the only path that can lead to your desired success and beyond. Without it you are simply tilting at windmills following a quest that is both delusional and ineffective.

Sign-up for my newsletter at www.brunologreco.com and be among the first to read: Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence when its released.

Author: Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Keynote Speaker & Television Personality

Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence

“Aha! I tricked you into believing you're not good enough..."

“Aha! I tricked you. I tricked you into believing that you’re not good enough and that you don’t have what it takes to make it. And you fell for it! Aha!!!”

Doesn’t that sound silly - the idea of someone else tricking you into believing that you are not good enough and that you will never make it? Sounds silly, right?

How much of what you believe about yourself comes from you? These are beliefs you developed through personal experience through age and maturity and from just knowing yourself – your guiding principles? How much of what you believe about yourself is largely based from what people have told you, cultural and religious beliefs and from other sources other than your own?

Getting tricked into believing you are something you’re not isn’t so far fetched. I asked 10 female clients during their consultation to answer “Who am I?” 50% responded with “I don’t know” 40% identified themselves to a role and label and only 10% identified to core values and personal attributes. Of the 50% who were unsure of whom they were, 100% were comfortable identifying with a role and label. And 100% - everyone in the study, identified to at least 1 label that wasn’t of their own accord. When asked to answer “why do I believe this about myself” 100% answered, “because that’s what I was told I am.”

Getting tricked into believing something about you isn’t difficult. Any uncertainly or a slight bit of insecurity in your life and the enquiring mind will feel frustrated and confused and will seek an answer. More often than not any answer will satisfy the frustration including the wrong one. And if you are in search of answers you just might believe the wrong thing about who you really are.

Bruno LoGreco, life coach, toronto mentor & motivational speaker

“Aha! I tricked you into believing you're not good enough..."

Knowing Who You Are

I realized that I needed to take time to learn who I was since I wasn’t sure that I ever really knew myself. I was always busy enough not to have to ask myself this question. My self-identity was defined by my social and career goals. Not having these in place had made me realize I didn’t know the real me at all... By IVANA PEJAKOVIC Taking responsibility for your action

Knowing Who You Are

TOP SECRET - The Secrets To Confidence Building. You Won't Want To Miss This

Secret – Secret – I Got A Secret! Do you REALLY want to know the secret to boosting self-confidence? It could change your life forever. You know by the time you finish reading this post you will have learnt the secret. My question to you is how much are you willing to put out there to boost your level of confidence to really be the confident person you wish you were?

I had a secret up until August of 2008. I carried it with me everyday for over three decades. It controlled every move I made - everything from what I did, who I spoke with and where I frequented. Everything I did was calculated according to my secret. I spent a considerable amount of energy protecting it – I was always conscious not to give it away. It was draining.

Did you know that your deepest secret is also your greatest insecurity? Take a moment to think about it. What is your deepest secret and what is it preventing you from doing? What do you believe it is doing to your self-confidence?

My secret stopped me from living the life I dreamed. I was too afraid of being judged, not to mention the consequences I’d have to pay – the ridicule and the jokes, the topic of discussion around the dinner table and who knows what else. The life I dreamed would eventually strip the shield protecting the secret I held, and I wasn’t having any of it.

It wasn’t worth it to me but I punished myself. I forbid myself from following the dream. What I hadn’t realized is with each passing moment my level of confidence was plunging deeper and deeper into a hole. And then it hit me:

If it REALLY isn't worth it to me then why am I punishing myself? Why do I get punished and have to suffer? And.. Why am I punishing myself?

And that is when I had the “Aha” moment – if I tell everyone my secret: i) I will learn the truth about people and who they really are, and ii) I could finally live the dream. All I had to do was tell them my secret and I wouldn’t have to ever worry about it again. I would no longer be a hostage in my own prison.

From that day on I placed greater value on my dream than I do on gossip and peoples insecurities. As result I learned the SECRET to confidence building. How about you, did you learn it?

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

TOP SECRET - The Secrets To Confidence Building. You Won't Want To Miss This

Get Lost and Stop Trying To Control Me!

The power to influence or direct people’s behavior is real mighty. It’s a tremendous power with extraordinary capabilities. Some people believe they possess this extraordinary capability and live their life doing exactly that - imposing their views onto others. They believe there is only one way to the top of the mountain – and they have no problem showing you the way.

Satisfaction is the motive and validation is the reward. They will take you to the top of the mountain to prove their worth. You are happy because you reached the top and are thankful for their support. They bask in glee and do it again and again until come someone that knows another way. They will shout and scream hoping to shoo them away.

They believe control is all they have, and if they lose it they fear there will be nothing left for them - everything will go away and they will be left alone. But, if they can control it, it might last forever. So they try to control the course of events to play out in their favor so not to lose anything or anyone.

What he or she doesn’t realize is that slowly but surely everyone is being driven away, anyhow. After they drive everyone away, they feel unworthy and undeserving, but just for a few days. Within no time they will be back on their feet thinking of another way to prove their worth with new unsuspecting players.

Control - A Beautiful Thing

Control is a beautiful thing but only when it is self directed. When you try to control other people or course of events outside of your control you go against the natural flow of energy. When this happens you are often greeted by disappointment and anger, and you will feel defeated.

The truth is nobody has the power to influence nor direct people’s behavior, and if you do it short lived – it never lasts although you may believe it does. The only influence you have over anyone is the power to control yourself.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Get Lost and Stop Trying To Control Me!

Chocolate Chocolate Read All About - Worthless Nothing Becomes Something After learning The Affects of Environmental Noise.

Environmental noise is what I refer to as anything that connects with any of our five senses – touch, taste, smell, sound and sight. Pretty much everything that comes into our sight or something we hear, taste, smell or touch can influence our judgment and alter our ability to make sound decisions. All it takes is a lack of confidence in one major aspect of life and we will be off validating whatever thought we hear including the negative self-talk in our head.

Negative self-talk is easily validated in an environment governed by people that thrive off of negative self-talk. Someone whom feels they are worthless and can articulate his or her thoughts and emotions could influence someone within the environment into believing they too are worthless. Misery enjoys company. How sweet is it to share worthless experiences and to commiserate? It really doesn’t take much to influence someone that is feeling down and blue. Just speak to their emotions and you will quickly win them over.

A single taste of decadent chocolate has the potential to influence someone whose dream is to open a lollipop shop into believing that decadent chocolate is a better way to go. When the decadence of the chocolate awakes his taste buds it also awakens and heighten the remaining four senses to be on the lookout for anything to validate the reason why decadent chocolate is the better way to go. The people within the environment can be used to calculate potential revenue to compare against any existing financials to further validate the thought. See for yourself, all you have to do is walk into a shoe store and observe women justifying why they need to buy their 20th pair this month.

Noise is everywhere and everything and anybody can be easily sucked into it. Chance is, you are already in it and might not even be aware of it. Only a small percentage of people have the natural ability to steer through noise and not let it influence their decisions. The good news is those whom are not naturally able to steer through noise can learn how to with awareness.

Even the person who was down and blue that lacked confidence and self-esteem and believed he was nothing, was able to see the amount of influence he was under because of his environment and the level of noise. It took five years for him to see what he could not see - The power and the influence the noise did have on him. Today he lives his true intention, free from environmental noise doing the things he could only dream of one year ago.

Now you can answer your own question: Am I really as fucked up as I think I am

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Chocolate Chocolate Read All About - Worthless Nothing Becomes Something After learning The Affects of Environmental Noise.

A Narrative Of My Life

I started blogging in early 2008. At first I blogged about my thoughts and ideas, but it wasn’t long before I started to use it as a source of expression. At that time I had already started life coaching so I too was looking for an outlet to express myself. I tried to find a mentor – someone I could talk to about my thoughts and emotions, but I couldn’t find anyone I felt a connection to. My other problem was money. I had very little income because I was still building my coaching business so instead I resorted to a spiritual healer who is also a friend.

I began reading books on abandonment, neglect, fear, phobias, anxiety - I just started to read everything related to human behavior and it all stuck. I started to write articles and blog posts on whatever I learned. A lot of it just makes sense to me just like it makes sense that what goes up must come back down (The Law Of Gravity) so writing articles and blogging was effortless, grammar and proper sentence structure and finishing thoughts, well…that’s still a challenge.

Oprah was promoting ‘A New Earth’ at that time. I already had read The Power Of Now and thought Eckhart Tolle was a genius. I loved the way he described living in the moment and becoming one with self. But when I spoke to friends or people in passing about the book many would tell me they found it difficult to follow or they just didn’t get it. I was puzzled - I couldn’t understand how anyone could not get it. To me, what Eckhart Tolle said in the book just makes sense, all of it. But what I did start to realize is why people don’t understand it.

Did you know something like 90% of the population is so influenced by their environment that they cannot see beyond what they already know? This is what conditions behavioral patterns – a cycle of behavioral patterns which will create the same outcome throughout life and also the reason why many cannot understand Eckhart Tolle.

Why people cannot understand Eckhart Tolle is the question I hope to answer in my book titled, A Time In Life. That’s the project I am working on right now and I hope to finish it soon. I’m envisioning “New York’s Best Seller” Of course I still need to find a publisher. I feel pretty confident I will find one when I’m ready even though I never published a book before – e-book excluded. Positive thinking all the way…

So what first started off as a blog about thoughts and ideas, turned into a narrative of my life. I guess that is the true intent of a blog.

Learn How I Built My Confidence & Self Esteem

A to Z of How to Build Confidence & Self Esteem

$13.95

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

A Narrative Of My Life

Inner Strength The Source of Self-Esteem

Here I am! I disappeared for a few days because I am working on a number of different projects, which are consuming my time. But don’t worry, it’s time well spent on two books I’m authoring. The first book is “A To Z of How To Build Confidence and Self Esteem” and the second book I’ve been working on for almost 3 years, titled “A Time In Life”.

A to Z of How To Build Confidence and Self-Esteem is about the power to judge oneself and to think positively about one’s abilities and strengths.

Self-confidence is the ability to accept reality and face it with courage, being fully aware of one’s own inner strengths and weaknesses.

Success is a process of progressive realization of worthy goals. Self-confidence and self-esteem are two most important ingredients for success.

To build self-confidence and self-esteem first you must know yourself. Self-confidence or self-esteem is the only path that can lead to your desired success, and beyond.

A To Z of How To Build Confidence And Self Esteem will be available at my website www.brunologreco.com Friday July 17th. Visit www.brunologreco.com and enter your name and email into the e-newsletter form. Next week, when I release my book I will notify you by email.

And I’m not telling you about “A Time In Life” yet. What I will tell you is that I am almost finished with writing the book. I'm very excited!

So that’s what I’ve been working on this past week. And even though I am busy, I am taking time for me during the week and weekend, and I hope you are too.

Have a great weekend!

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Inner Strength The Source of Self-Esteem

Face Your Fear: The Road To Confidence

When was the last time you tried something new? Something you feared or perhaps something that made you nervous? Last year, April of 2008, I was asked to speak and motivate approximately 800 students. - it was the peace by peace festival. That was my very first public speaking engagement. How exciting, or should I say, how nerve wrecking. I arrived at the venue a few hours before I was scheduled to speak so I could get a feel for the environment and to meet some of the students.

The moment of truth finally arrived after lunch. "Here to motivate you today is Bruno LoGreco. Bruno is a Life Coach and his job is to motivate people." I start my walk towards the stage, my nerves took over and I started to shake. I shook like a leaf in front of 800 students and teachers from across Toronto.

"I have a secret I want to share with you, do you want to know what my secret is?” All I heard was “YES”. I start off by saying, “I'm really nervous right now, but I know if I tell you the truth about how I feel my nerves will go away - See, I feel better already." I told 800 students and teachers the truth about how I felt that day.

Larry King, host of Larry King Live on CNN published his memoir recently. Larry is on his book tour giving interviews about his career. Did you know Larry King has interviewed over 40,000 people throughout his career? Wow! Anyhow, during his interview on the morning show yesterday, a reporter asked Larry King how he got his first break as a journalist and if he was nervous. Larry told a story about the first time he went on the air and how nervous he was. Larry told the reporter, on his first day as a radio announcer nothing came out of his mouth. He switch his MIC on and Off before his boss stormed into the studio and told him radio is about communication and he better start communicating. So Larry King went on the air and said, "Hi my name is Larry King, I'm new to radio and I'm nervous, please bare with me."

You are probably afraid to try new things for fear of failure, rejection, or you just simply do not have the confidence to try something new. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Now take your answer and challenge what you believe by exposing your fear to others. If you try this you will learn what you believe - your fear, is not true and you will slowly begin to build the confidence you need to try new things.

Don't let your fear stop you from enjoying life and living your dream. Nobody will be perfect from the start, not me, not Larry King, nobody. Face your fear and learn from it, because with mistakes come learning lessons, which build confidence.

Learn How To Build Confidence And You Will Start Living Your Dream. 

Face Your Fear: The Road To Confidence

Lack Of Positive Reinforcement - The Confidence Killer

Do you ever notice when someone does something, or even says something, whether it was for professional or for personal reasons, and then they feel the need to explain why they did it? Why do you think people do that, why do you think they have a need to defend their actions?

Image for a moment being told that you’re always ‘wrong’, or that there is a better way to do whatever it is you are doing, or being told that you are capable of producing so much more. Perhaps you were that kid that never could please your immediate influencers, no matter what you did or how hard you tried it was just never good enough. 

How do you think you would act as an adult if you never heard, “good job, I knew you could do it” or “excellent job, I bet that was hard” Or any other positive comment during your early developmental years?

Now imagine yourself as an adult trying to prove your self-worth and every decision you make. Every step you take is calculated for success with the expectation that someone will take notice and validate your actions. And when somebody does take notice, you quickly guard yourself and become defensive to any comment – You are tired of being told there is a better way, or that it’s not good enough, so before anybody could comment, you defend your actions and thought process leaving no room for learning. Constructive criticism to you is an insult. Even if there is a compliment in anything you here it becomes impossible for you to accept it.

How can a person whom seeks validation turn his or her head when they finally do hear a compliment, you might ask? Well, think about it for a few seconds, if you are not use to hearing compliments or any positive reinforcement and have been trained to defend your every action from childhood, your brain will be busy modulating a defense statement that when a compliment is spoken, it doesn’t register and if it does register you say, “Really”

A little insecure you might be thinking, but that’s exactly what happens when there is lack of positive reinforcement in a child’s life. Tough love, although once believed to be exactly what children needed, is a confidence killer. What is required is a balance of love and more love, for there is a good chance to believe children growing up feeling the need to prove his or her self will lack confidence and become insecure in their decision making ability as adults.

Take a step back the next time you are about to defend something you did, said, or produced and ask yourself:

1. Did I do the best possible job? 
   
2. Is there an opportunity to learn?
   
3. Am I open for constructive criticism?
   
4. From where and whom would the learning and constructive criticism come from? 
   
5. What is my expectation of myself? 
   
6. What is my expectation from others? 
   
7. Does the other person know what I expect of them? 

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach & Mentor 

Lack Of Positive Reinforcement - The Confidence Killer

Confidence Crushed In Public View

I love Starbucks. I often stop at Starbucks for a non-fat latte. Yesterday afternoon on my way to the taping of Style By Jury, I stopped at Chapters/Indigo at Hwy 7 and Yonge Street for my daily dose of java. My mind was slightly preoccupied because I had to memorize a few lines for the show.

I walked into Chapters/Indigo and from a distance I heard a muffled voice. It sounded like someone was being lectured. As I approached the Starbucks counter, the voices grew louder and louder.

“What can I get you?” The man at the counter asked. “Can I have a Venti Non-Fat Latte, and a Pumpkin Scone please”? I replied. I open my walled, grabbed my debit card and swiped it through the debit terminal. “You better not do that ever again, do you understand me? Because if you do it one more time, you will be in big trouble?” I leaned forward and tiptoed over the counter to see who was uttering such threatening words and to whom.

My heart sank. I was witnessing a mother of a four year old reprimanding her son for no apparent reason. “You sit there and think about what you just did,” the mother continued, “You are bad boy.” She continued to speak firmly holding his wrist tightly.

I walked to the other side of Starbucks as I stood waiting for my latte. “You wait until you get home,” she muttered. I wanted to walk over to the boy and tell him that his mother was very angry, but not at him. My I eyes swelled with tears. I was so conflicted. I had no power and no authority. I needed to vacate immediately.

My coffee was ready. I added sugar, stirred my coffee, sealed it with a lid and made my way back towards the lady and her son. I glared at the lady, making eye contact with her. I wanted her to feel what her son was feeling. I don’t know if I was successful because I had to leave quickly, not to get myself into any trouble.

For most people situations like this one is where it all begins. When a child cannot express his emotions, or his expression of freedom because it is being crushed by an authoatiative figure in plain public view, not only is it embarrassing for the child but also whatever confidence they did have is being crushed to a pulp and left for others to see.

If you ever wondered why adults have low self-esteem, lack self-worth and don’t know what their dreams are? This is just one example of the many why adults lack confidence and self-worth. Children are meant to be children--to laugh, to play, and to have fun. From these activities they will gain inspiration that is desperately needed. Without inspiration children become soldiers, wondering who they are and where they belong when they grow into adults.

I want you to all know that it is not the mothers fault either. I’m not one to point fingers and put blame on parents. Parents do the best they can raising their children with the tools they were given by their parents. Unfortunately some of those tools are dated and have been proven to do more damage than good.

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

Confidence Crushed In Public View

Weaknesses Strengths and Confidence

I believe I figured it out! I think I know why my writing skills are not up to snuff. When I speak, I just speak and say what I have to say with no editing. When I write, I read and reread—adding and deleting words, creating a mess with words that are not needed. So this morning I decided to just write. Write how I speak with little to no editing, no JUDING my own words.

You be the JUDGE, you tell me if less is better.

Most people run hiding their weaknesses. I on the other hand show everyone what my weaknesses are because just like you I’m human too. I have my own set of weaknesses, the only difference between you and me is I’m not afraid to show them.

I’m a firm believer that one should focus on strengths not weaknesses, BUT sometimes a weakness is the missing link in a strength. Take me for example; I’m a Life Coach, my strengths involve helping people achieve their goals and to live their dreams. It’s a great strength to have but unless I tell people what I do, how will they ever know? So I had to find a way to communicate my strengths to the masses.

After researching my options, it was clear that I could either pay big bucks for someone to do it for me, or I could learn it for myself. I chose the latter and fortunate for me the latter entails writing. Although my writing skills are nowhere near where I’d like them to be, I know the more I write the stronger my skills will become.

I had no CONFIDENCE in my writing skills when I first started to blog. My FEAR was I would be JUDGED based on my writing skills, but after 125 blog posts not only have my writing skills improved, but along the way I also learned that the thoughts of others could not hurt me. Even if someone did JUDGE me based on my writing skills, how would I ever know unless they left me a comment to read?

Confidence takes practice and often time it requires you to step outside of your comfort zone, to do the things you wouldn't normally do – doing these very things expose your weaknesses and when a weakness is exposed so is the false belief that goes with it.

While working with a client yesterday morning in a bookstore, I asked my client to ask a stranger what confidence is and where does it comes from. My client froze and said, “NO WAY, they will think I’m crazy.” So she refused.

I looked around and noticed a mature couple seated directly behind us in the next alcove. ‘Excuse me’ do you know what CONFIDENCE is, and where does it come from’ I ask. My clients face turned three shades of red. She was so embarrassed--she couldn’t believe I asked complete strangers those questions.

The man responds, "Yes’ CONFIDENCE is the thing that comes from inside of you, it helps you overcome your fear." The lady chimes in, “CONFIDENCE is knowing that you are good at something and doing it well.” I continued to ask, 'Could you see when someone lacks confidence?' The man replies, “Oh Yes, you could see it, they hesitate.” ‘Do you know anybody that is completely confident?’ “Oh no” says the man, “I have yet to meet anybody that is completely confident.” ‘Thank you for your time’ as I greeted them with a headshake.

My client almost had a panic attach in the bookstore because I asked strangers what confidence is. I then noticed a store clerk walking down the isle. “Excuse me, do you know what confidence is and where does it come from? This time my client was quite attentive, she listened to what the young lady said about confidence.

My client finally relaxed. I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. So I asked her if she still believed others would think she was crazy. She said no.

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

Weaknesses Strengths and Confidence

False Belief

Yesterday I dragged my feet the entire day. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep that was caused by all the excitement. From the initial call, to meeting with the producers, to filming on Wednesday, I did not sleep. It was one week ago today that I received the phone call from the executive producer, and last night was the first night I finally slept for seven consecutive hours.

Back in May I posted a blog titled Insecurity. In this post (I often chuckle when I read older posts –bad English LOL) I wrote about the evolution of my blog, as well as one of my fears. I don’t think I’ve written about this fear since that day--but cameras, or being in front of one once scared the bleep out of me.

In this same post I described what I feared, the judgment by others for making a mistake. Because I created this illusion an illusion so vivid in my head, it paralyzed me at the thought of being remotely close to a camera. I found out later the illusion I’d created, the root cause to my fear, was so deeply rooted that even if I did act like myself, I still felt like I could not be in front of a camera.

The feeling I experienced after writing the Insecurity post went from being paralyzed to sweats and heart thumping only at the thought of cameras. That meant I was close but I still hadn’t found the root cause to my fear. There was something else that was causing this fear, bigger than others judging me.

I was still holding on to a belief, a false belief that I learned to believe at a very young age. I put my entire faith into this one belief, not only in my personal life, but also in my professional life. It wasn’t until I let go of this false belief, the illusion I had created about what would happen “IF” anyone ever found out about my secret, more specifically, my immediate family. And it wasn’t until I no longer believed what would happen, IF my family member ever figure out my secret, that I was finally confident in myself to pursue my long life dream.

No longer than two months after I let go of my false belief, one of my dreams came to fruition – Talk about the Laws Of Attractions working in parallel with the Universe. Not only did I get to live my dream this past week, but it also was filmed in my own home. The cameras did not intimidate me in the least, I felt very relaxed and comfortable with the camera in my face.

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

False Belief

Take 10

Okay, it's almost a wrap. All that is left for me to do is give an interview -- my thought about the subject. Overall I did well until they wanted me to start acting. Not such a good actor, but definitely did well over all. Of course I have no way of knowing, not until the show airs or I receive a copy.

It was definitely a great experience- I learned a lot and I would most certainly do it again. I don't think I was afraid of the camera once. Did I really have a fear, or did I put my faith into a false belief, a false belief that I've held onto for many many years? It was a false belief - Life seems a lot easier all of a sudden.

More as we move towards wrapping.

Take 10

Action

Okay everyone, I'm sitting in my apartment waiting to start shooting. The subject is outside with the host, they are making their way to my unit. I have the slight jitters, but overall I am feeling very confident. I have a basic guideline as to what I will be saying, but other than that, it's reality. I hope when you all watch the show, you will realize it's made for tv.

There was once a time I had a HUGE fear of being in front of a camera - today, just like my acrophobia, my fear of cameras will come to pass.

More to come... Bruno

Action

First Impressions

Have you ever gone shopping for clothing only to find something you really liked, you try it on, and voila, a new you? What did it feel like as you stepped out from the change room, standing in front of the mirror? Did your confidence and self-esteem rise? Were you enamored by the way you looked and felt, did you whisper to yourself, “I feel like a million bucks?”

When you look and feel like a million bucks--your head stands tall, your shoulders fall back, and your chest out, you’ll project an energy that will show the world around you who you are and what you want.

This past weekend I had the pleasure to go shopping for new clothing. I’m not a big shopper. I never know what to buy, so I buy what I feel comfortable wearing. Typically the clothing I really love is the clothing you try on and it feel like the designer designed it specifically for you. The clothing which costs upwards of three hundred dollars for one shirt, the stuff with designer labels, the clothing which are far out of my price range, so I never buy it.

Finally, after two consecutive days, six hours of putting on and taking off shirts, jackets, blazers, and vests, I found the perfect jeans, the perfect shirt, and the perfect cufflinks. Now I can make an impeccable first impression and project my image that best represents who I am both from the inside out.

My long hours of shopping paid off yesterday – When your image projects who you are and is congruent with who you are internally, you cast an energy to the world around you that shows everybody that you are a confident individual and you are ready to take on any challenge that is thrown at you.

I felt extremely confident yesterday morning when I sat down with the executive producer and producer of, Style By Jury, as they brought me up to speed on my guest appearance in an upcoming show. I will be a guest expert on the show as a Life Coach. Filming begins on Wednesday.

The right clothing can surely increase your confidence and how the world around perceives you. You have between three and seven seconds to make a first impression. So if you are heading out for an interview or a date today, look in the mirror and make sure you look and feel the part.

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

First Impressions