WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?

We all do something or another even when we don’t want to. For whatever reason we just do those things. Maybe it’s an automatic reaction – the need to not disappoint anyone, or something we learned a long time ago and we just live by it. Sometimes it only takes a few seconds and it’s out of the way for now, and other times it takes a few hours and only puts a dent into it. The irony of it is, all while doing whatever it is we don’t want to do we play along and make believe we are happy doing it.

Those are the things we tolerate in life. We do them because we believe we have to. It is a way to keep the peace – not to stir the pot with friends and family. Or we believe its wrong to speak up and to explain why we don’t want to do it. Perhaps we believe it is disrespectful to say “no.” In the past, saying “no” has lead to major arguments and in the end we were left defending our emotions. So it is easier to just say “yes” and to tolerate it.

It is those things, which we tolerate, that eventually lead us to resentment. And once resentment sets in we can kiss communication goodbye. Here we become short in our response and feel that they should know exactly why we are upset with them. We expect them to give us an exact response, a validation, or something to acknowledge our effort. And that expectation is never fulfilled. We go on growing increasingly bitterer.

Why let it get to that point? Why not nip it in the bud - put a stop to it before it gets to that point where all communication breaks down. Simply said, it isn’t worth it. Our emotions will get the better part of us and we will say things we don’t mean in the effort to fulfill our need for validation.

1. Make a list of things you tolerate in your life. Look into different aspect of your life and become aware of your emotions as you make the list: Relationships, tasks, hobbies, business, responsibilities, job, location, etc.
2. Observe your emotions as you make the list and assign a numeric value next to each item denoting the level of emotion associated to it. Use a scale from 1 to 5. 5 indicating a high level of emotion.
3. Review the list and next to each item ask yourself: Can I do less of it?

• If you answered Yes, start moving away from it
• If you answered No, ask yourself:

i. Why not?
ii. How does it make me feel?
iii. Is what I am doing my responsibility?
iv. Whose responsibility is it?
v. What are the negative consequences if I say no?
vi. Will life come to an end if I say no?

Use your knowledge to stop tolerating those things which lead to resentment. Become assertive - there is no need for aggression when you know why you are saying NO to tolerations. In fact, when you know why you are saying NO, that’s all you will ever have to say.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?

Dreams to fruition

Did you ever reflect upon the past and recognize your achievements? You will be surprised at the amount of achievements you actually have. How much of what you wished for in the past is real in your life today? What about your dreams, did any of them come to fruition?

As I reflect upon the past and think about my dreams and things I wished for, surprisingly enough most of it has come true. I believe it is the Law Of Attraction at work. I believe we are all creators of our own reality.

In my early 20’s I dreamed about working in the United States in a global capacity. Later in my 20’s my dream came true. I worked in New Jersey for a major pharmaceutical company in a global capacity. It was exactly what I had wished for. I also entertained the idea of meeting someone special from New York. This was a little far fetched because I seldom traveled to New York, although I’d been traveling to this region most of my life. Coincidentally, my partner does live in New York and we’ve been together 4 years.

Another desire I had from my 20’s was to one day be able to weight train in the morning without having to run off to work before finishing a full workout. I daydreamed between sets that one day I could finish my workout without the urgency of getting to the office. Today I enjoy this luxury. I still workout first thing in the morning, however, the time I spend at the gym has tripled.

A childhood dream, that also came to fruition, was to some day be on television. As a child I dreamed of becoming an entertainer. Every weekend I would go through the newspaper specifically the classified section and I’d read if there were any auditions happening. If there were any I would call and schedule an appointment. I would make my father take me. Nothing really panned out then. Fast forward three decades later and here I am on television.

There has been many more dreams including becoming an entrepreneur. And this is exactly what I am today. And being one has many benefits including creating and pursuing new dreams and aspirations.

If there is one thing I learned from my journey thus far is, nothing is impossible. Everything I can think about is within reach. It’s just a matter of time before it too becomes reality.

How about you? Take some time out of your busy day and reflect upon your dreams and wishes. Use a life map to help you identify your achievements.

What dream are you living today?

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

Dreams to fruition

Who Am I?

Who am "i", who is "self"? Am "i" all the experiences; the pleasurable and the uneventful? Am "i" all the good which has happened to me? Am "i" all the bad which has happened to me? Am "i" what "i" believe "self" can and cannot be? Am "i" what "i" think and what "i" feel? Am "i" what "i" believe and what "i" imagine to be based on my history? Am "i" what "i" see in the mirror (likes and dislikes)? Am "i" only what "i" can see?

When "i" dream of becoming a celebrity but only to gain fame and fortune and to boost "i's" false sense of "self" confidence, one can conclude "i" has a big "ego". And at the other end if "i" is considered passive, nice, wouldn't kill a fly, one could generally conclude "i" is "egoless" and might have low "self" esteem. But in reality both the good and bad are egoic expressions based on "i" the personality.

95% of what "i" does today will be an egoic expression. Everything from operating a motor vehicle to how "i" responds to its environment. "i" relieves "self" from the automatic functions which "i" executes moment-to-moment such as the amount of pressure "i" puts on the gas pedal and to the breaks, while "self" has conscious thought towards the vehicles ahead and to the traffic light that is just about to turn red. "SELF" is responsible for the remaining 5%.

A true understanding of the word "ego" is all inclusive both the good the bad the nice and the ugly. It is everything including the saboteur who creates "self" doubt and the "self" limiting beliefs stopping "self" from new experiences and from growth. And it is also the unconditional loving, helping and caring person that "i" wants to be. It doesn't matter if "i" is a superstar or if "i" is a saint, whether "i" is shy and quiet or if "i" is loud and obnoxious. "i" is ego and that is what "self" sees.

But what if "i" had nothing happen; "i" doesn't have much of a history - nothing good, nothing bad, who would "i" be? What if "i" isn't defined by history, not by the pleasurable nor the uneventful, who would "i" really be? What if "i" is stripped of the status, the fame and the fortune, what would be left for "SELF" to see?

Who am I?

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

Who Am I?

How to get back onto your life path

Just like that it happened again – I lost my way. I must have taken a detour onto another path. For the past several months I’ve been working on a number of new projects as well as doing my own thing. I am writing a new book, preparing for seminars, and developing a new program for a high school among other things. With so much happening all around me I knew it was just a matter of time before something would take me off the path.

Towards the end of February I suspected that I had taken a wrong turn somewhere. I try not to react when I get this feeling. I believe that wrong turns are open doors for us to peak into. Sometimes an open door leads to another door and behind it is an opportunity, and sometimes it leads to another door and another and before you know it you are onto a new path. I recall saying to myself to take a peak and come right back. But I found another open door that led to a door with multiple doors – that’s when I got lost.

Behind each door were new and exciting opportunities. They all seemed like fun and within the realm of my expertise. But it wasn’t exactly what I envisioned or planned for. But it was close enough – “Shoot for the stars” I reminded myself. Me just like many of you, I got sucked-up by the attraction to instant gratification, prestige and status. I swallowed the bate.

A New Beginning

This path looks a lot different than the one I was on not long ago. I don’t feel like myself and I am doing things I would not normally do. I feel my insides screaming: Warning – Warning – Warning! But I ignored the warnings. Nothing I do feels right. It feels like everything I do I am doing it because I believe it is what I should do to get more of the same, and nothing for me. I even avoid talking to me.

This is definitely not the right path. “How do I get back?”

It was long over due. I took a timeout. I shut down for a few hours and reconnected with me. I turned everything off: computer, television, and people. And after a few minutes of breathing I was able to turn down the noise – the constant wave of chatter. And there he stood patiently waiting for my arrival.

A familiar happy face finally appeared. I smiled back and said, “hello, where have you been?” “No, where have you been”, he said. It did not take us long to get reacquainted. Within a few minutes he drew a map and showed me the way. He also pointed at where I went wrong and why. After spending quality time with each other, he provided the encouragement and support i need for the next leg of my life journey. His final words to me were: “Don’t be gone for too long next time.”

It feels great to be back.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

How to get back onto your life path

Extra - Extra Read All About It: Emotional Time Bomb Waiting To Happen

We all have one of those environments that we walk into, that no matter how hard we try to keep our emotions in check, somehow every time the usual suspects are together one thing leads to another and before anyone could see anything coming, emotions spew themselves everywhere giving everyone something to talk about. We lo-o-o-s-s-e it, then burst out of there.

"Why does that always happen?"

The worst part about it is, when you reflect on those experiences you realize the big to-do, which left everyone with something to talk about, didn’t even resolve the question that was asked at the beginning. You were speaking about apples and them bananas. Everyone missed the boat - and the boat before that, and the one before that one too.

The trick to learning to defuse those situations from catching on fire in the first place is to become an observer. As hard as it is for some of us to do, a key skill needed to be an observer is to listen. We must sit and listen; watch on as others interact with one another, and listen to the many conversations and the responses to questions.

When the brain is not lit light a Christmas tree, there isn’t a need to react to whatever is happening in front of us. We observe and take-in everything from body language to the energy within the room. We can even feel the tension rise. But if the brain is stimulated, hot and heavy and ready to fire torpedoes from one neuron to the next, we miss everything and never learn how to defuse a situation.

After sitting through several experiences as an observer, only then could we really know who the troublemakers and instigators really are. And lets not forget about Debbie Downer. She knows how to suck the life out of anyone with her stories. Now we are armed with a wealth of information and we will think twice before allowing them into manipulate us into a full out war.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

Extra - Extra Read All About It: Emotional Time Bomb Waiting To Happen