WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?

We all do something or another even when we don’t want to. For whatever reason we just do those things. Maybe it’s an automatic reaction – the need to not disappoint anyone, or something we learned a long time ago and we just live by it. Sometimes it only takes a few seconds and it’s out of the way for now, and other times it takes a few hours and only puts a dent into it. The irony of it is, all while doing whatever it is we don’t want to do we play along and make believe we are happy doing it.

Those are the things we tolerate in life. We do them because we believe we have to. It is a way to keep the peace – not to stir the pot with friends and family. Or we believe its wrong to speak up and to explain why we don’t want to do it. Perhaps we believe it is disrespectful to say “no.” In the past, saying “no” has lead to major arguments and in the end we were left defending our emotions. So it is easier to just say “yes” and to tolerate it.

It is those things, which we tolerate, that eventually lead us to resentment. And once resentment sets in we can kiss communication goodbye. Here we become short in our response and feel that they should know exactly why we are upset with them. We expect them to give us an exact response, a validation, or something to acknowledge our effort. And that expectation is never fulfilled. We go on growing increasingly bitterer.

Why let it get to that point? Why not nip it in the bud - put a stop to it before it gets to that point where all communication breaks down. Simply said, it isn’t worth it. Our emotions will get the better part of us and we will say things we don’t mean in the effort to fulfill our need for validation.

1. Make a list of things you tolerate in your life. Look into different aspect of your life and become aware of your emotions as you make the list: Relationships, tasks, hobbies, business, responsibilities, job, location, etc.
2. Observe your emotions as you make the list and assign a numeric value next to each item denoting the level of emotion associated to it. Use a scale from 1 to 5. 5 indicating a high level of emotion.
3. Review the list and next to each item ask yourself: Can I do less of it?

• If you answered Yes, start moving away from it
• If you answered No, ask yourself:

i. Why not?
ii. How does it make me feel?
iii. Is what I am doing my responsibility?
iv. Whose responsibility is it?
v. What are the negative consequences if I say no?
vi. Will life come to an end if I say no?

Use your knowledge to stop tolerating those things which lead to resentment. Become assertive - there is no need for aggression when you know why you are saying NO to tolerations. In fact, when you know why you are saying NO, that’s all you will ever have to say.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?