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    Friday, September 19, 2008

    Do You Have Control Over The Uncontrollable?

    The end of another week is near and the weekend will soon be here. Last week I wrote about how Friday’s were once “me” days, meaning Friday’s were my day off. I am proud to say that as of October 1st, I will no longer be working on Friday’s. I’m taking Friday’s off so I could have two consecutive days for self, and so that I don’t fall out of balance.

    Earlier today I was with a client and we were working on self-awareness. I am very happy to report that he has come a long way from when we first started. If I had to complete a report card on his learning it would read “Excellent” throughout the entire report.

    One of the areas we are focusing on is his need to control the things he has no control over. The need he has to feel responsible to try and fix problems that are beyond his power, his authority or responsibility. The need he has to try and make everything “perfect” in his life and that of others, and to try and control every aspect of life so that nothing goes “wrong.”

    He asked me today if he could learn how to let go of control over the things he has no control over. Of course you can, I said. I continued by saying, “if it took you this many years to seek help because you recognized you needed to make some changes about self to get you to where you want to go, what makes you think you could change somebody that did not ask for your help, or control something that is not yours?” His eyes lit up.

    Imagine that, his entire life he’s believed that he has the power and the authority, because after all he is responsible for all the individuals and situations in the world around him, that he could change everything. Talk about an EGO trip… Wouldn’t you say?

    Oh I’m sorry – I’m not talking about you… or you. I’m talking about my client that I was with earlier today. But hey… if this sounds like you then chances are my client is not alone and neither are you. We all try to control the things that are out of our control to some degree, but the good news is: now that you are aware that you try to control the things you have no control over, you might consider changing that behavior or learn how to become more accepting to avoid disappointment.

    But before I show you how to let go of control over the things you have no control over, I should point out that if you are skipping this process and figure you are better off learning how to just become more accepting… Well guess what? One of the benefits of letting go of control is learning acceptance to what is often referred to as, “It is what it is” without walking away from a situation and not really accepting anything but uttering the words in your head.

    Exercise: Letting Go Of Control Over the Things You Have No Control Over

    1. On a piece of paper write everything you would like to control but have no control over:

    a. People
    b. Places
    c. Situations

    2. Next to each person, place or situation, write why you have no control over it.

    3. Answer the following questions for each person, place or situation you have no control over:

    a. I think I could keep trying to control and/or change a person, place or situation because _______.

    b. The benefits I get from holding onto the need to control and/or change a person, place or situation is ______.

    c. I would lose _______ by hanging on to my need to control and/or change _______.

    d. I would lose ______ by releasing the need to control ________.

    Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach, Toronto native.
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    6 comments:

    Virtual Voyage said...

    Good post. Useful reminder for letting offspring grow up.

    Enjoy the Friday's off. We need to sharpen up focus on making what we do different on days off so we have valid change.

    Laura ~Peach~ said...

    it is what it is... is said alot around here!

    chris said...

    I've accepted the fact that I have no control over anything...

    Mona said...

    good for you bruno, enjoy your fridays!

    yeah, i use to try to control what people think of me...imagine how much work that was! no wonder i had no friends (; i also lost myself in this pursuit...i was trying to be what i thought others want me to be.

    letting go of control is very scary but my goodness a huge, beautiful and happier world opened up for me as i let it go...i gave others the freedom to think whatever they want of me as i spend my energy finding myself instead...at first, i didn't like what i found but as i kept moving through my onion layers, now i love myself (:

    hmmm, i'm sick...where is all that coming from...hehehehehe

    happy saturday!

    jojo said...

    Bruno...i'm starting to think that you are inside my head. You got me with that post...I am going to do the exercise and see what happens next ;)

    Bruno LoGreco said...

    Thanks Virtue Voyage! When using the exercise, one has to dig deep.

    It is what it is Laura!! :)

    Me and you both Chris!

    Control leads to lots of disappointment - I'm happy you are happier with less control mona!! Peeling back the onion will bring tears, but when you finish peeling all the layers, it surely is a beautiful thing. Welcome!! :)

    Let me know how you made out with the exercise jojo - feel free to change the wording so it makes sense for you..

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    Ten Powerful Self-Coaching Tips

    By Bruno LoGreco

    Are you living the life of creativity and happiness that you've always dreamed of, or are you allowing your fears or other outside factors to influence you?

    Following the path that your heart's desires requires courage and might require a shift in attitude. There are several methods you can use to act as your own life coach and start working toward the life you dream of.

    Ideas for self-improvement

    You don't need to change every aspect of your life at once in order to improve your attitude and outlook on life. Self-improvement can feel daunting if you try to change everything at once.

    A good way to embark on your journey of self-coaching is to make one change and see what kind of impact it has upon your life. The following tips are designed to help you improve your life and become your own life coach. Try out one of the following tips at a time to positively impact your attitude and daily life.

    1. Find some ‘you' time. Everyone needs time alone to meditate and recharge. You may think you don't have extra time in your day. Start with 10-20 minutes to use for meditation or silent reflection.

    2. Ask yourself what you truly want in life. Are you living your life according to your true dreams and desires? You may be unaware of your desires that lie hidden beneath your surface needs and wants, so take the time to find out.

    3. Write everything down. Even if your thought seems silly, write it down! You may be surprised by the inspiration and ideas you can come up with.

    4. Journal daily, but with a twist. Instead of just writing about today, try writing about yesterday.

    5. Keep track of the "happy moments." Each day has potential for many small moments that bring joy and happiness. If you don't make a special note of them, you may not even recognize the small joys in your day.

    6. Choose one task each night to complete the next day. This way, you have focus, and you accomplish at least one task. Tasking and taxing yourself with effort is important in reaching goals.

    7. Smile when you wake up. Smiling is contagious. By smiling you improve your mood and can potentially improve someone else's day as well.

    8. Give thanks each night. Gratitude will improve your outlook on life and help you see all the good and wonderful moments of your day.

    9. Try something new. A new experience fuels creativity and your enjoyment of the day.

    10. Create at least one memorable moment each day. Make each day unforgettable, even if in a small way!

    Taking the next step with a life coach

    Self-coaching tips are great ideas for helping you improve your life. However, you can take your life to the next level with a life coach and mentor. A professional life coach can help you set goals and help you move forward with your dreams. If you're looking for the right path toward happiness, a life coach can help you discover the path your heart truly desires.

    Want to learn more about self-improvement? Bruno LoGreco is a Life Coach Toronto and mentor. Visit BrunoLoGreco.com and find out how to unleash your potential for success and happiness.

    The Success Indicators on Your Life Path

    Many people seek out a particular goal in their life path and are content when they achieve it. The chance to broaden their horizons or learn new things within an existent structure is not as appealing to them as it is to some others. This is an issue that arises in many individuals because they mistakenly think they have achieved what they wanted to in their lives. The plethora of environmental noise around them begins to infringe upon their goals and forces them to lose sight of what they truly wanted.

    A good way to think of this problem is to envision a large square box. This is not just any box though. Rather, in this case, your box has been divided into three separate, but equally shaped rectangular boxes, all stacked on top of one another. Each of these rectangular boxes is a highly important expression of your life goals -- individual levels of success. Within each of these levels of success is an indicator that tells you how close you are to becoming successful in this area of your life.

    Every area of your life that you identify as a potential path for success can be further divided, containing the many different events and obstacles you will encounter as you strive to reach your goals. Think of each sector of your life as being divided even further, with three new sections within one of the three stacked boxes (sectors). Within each stacked box are three separate sections, divided by dotted lines that make up the life path you will follow. These dotted lines are not the same as the solid lines dividing the sectors -- they are a path that you have envisioned since childhood -- a series of goals and pathways to success that you want to follow.

    As young people, these life paths may not be fully formed. Or they might be crystal clear in our minds--long, straight life paths from the early days of college and adult living to the ultimate goal of success that you have always strived for. You can see exactly what you need to do to reach each success indicator and achieve what you have set out to accomplish. And you probably did just this. After all, your goals as a youth were to be successful in the same way that you saw thousands of others live their lives. You wanted to reach your success indicators and experience the measure of success by which you would measure you life for decades to come.

    However, nothing is ever as simple as we envision it during youth. There are countless factors that interfere with your ability to clearly see those success indicators and life paths to success. These factors, or "Environmental Noise," can be detrimental to even the most focused of individuals. Think of what would happen if you dumped the contents of downtown New York into your box and tried to maintain your focus on those goals. Would you even be able to see your life path anymore?

    Everyone must travel their life path with environmental noise inundating them from all sides. It begins to become cloudy. The dotted lines, our life paths, begin to look like the straight lines and the success indicators start to be confused with any number of different distractions.

    And then something will happen and you will realize that you are in fact nowhere near the original success indicators you set for yourself. Everything has changed and yet you are stuck in a way. You are deep within the center of the middle rectangular box and you have no idea which way to go or how to get back on track. The noise only grows louder and you grow dizzy trying to regain your focus.

    It is in this instant that you must clear the noise and return to the basic, almost instinctive mode of thought you experienced as a child. What did you want from life? Where did you want to go? What do you need to get to that point? What was my life path? All of these questions must be asked without the distractions of the world around you muddying up your thought process. When you can revert to a very simple perspective of the world and only spend time thinking of what you want from life, you can be that much more successful.

    You can succeed in life despite the environmental noise, cruising down your life paths and moving through your rectangles with ease, but oftentimes you need a helping hand to clear away the noise and look at life with fresh eyes. There is nothing wrong with asking for help to weed out these distractions and remove the clutter from your life sectors with a professional life coach.

    Is your life path inundated with environmental noise? Learn how you can lift the noise and begin reestablishing your success indicators today. Visit www.brunologreco.com a Life Coach Toronto today.

    Chapters.ca

    Top 10 Benefits to Journaling

    By Bruno Logreco

    There are countless reasons to maintaining a journal. The top ten benefits of journaling may differ from person to person. However, there seems to be general themes that are attractive in the collective unconscious. Many people are looking to daily entries of their personal experiences to reap some of the following rewards.

    Maintaining a journal is a natural way to exercise the brain. People who make regular entries are taking time to develop writing and communication skills that are very valuable in everyday interactions. This mental exercise also helps to allow your thoughts to flow freely.

    Creativity is a second benefit to consider. This is an important aspect of journaling. The right hemisphere of the brain is associated with visual, imaginative and intuitive facets of thought. When you take time to write, you free the right hemisphere. The ideal entry will be one that puts the inner editor on hold. Thoughts and ideas should flow freely and naturally.

    The uninhibited nature of this form of writing serves a third benefit of developing self awareness. People often create different faces to meet various circumstances. We tend to recreate in distinct situations including the work environment, the community and even when at home.

    The process of keeping a journal helps you recognize the various aspects of your unique personality. The growing self awareness is a powerful force that can lead to even greater benefits in the future. Gaining insight into the self is among the most important aspects to maintaining a journal.

    The fourth benefit is the ability to set priorities. Once you get a grasp on the thoughts and emotions that are filtered through your personal experience, you begin to gain control of them. The process eventually leads to a greater understanding of what is and what is not important.

    The ability to re-see the past is another great benefit of keeping a journal. The pages can be revisited with a fresh perspective. It can be very surprising how much your understanding of an event changes over a relatively short period of time. Some writers find great moments of epiphany when rethinking and rereading entries.

    Journaling is a fantastic problem-solving resource. The approach of using entries to come up with various solutions to troubles is a little different than approaches for self awareness and growth. Many people choose temporary brainstorming techniques that serve to give viable solutions to problems.

    The seventh benefit of journaling is variety. You can choose what kind of entries you want to make. Common choices include brainstorming sessions, automatic writing and reflective notes. Personal journal entries can be made upon inspiration, when you first wake or right before you fall asleep. Some choose to do a combination of these.

    Purging is the eighth benefit to this practice. Many people find it helpful to place negative thoughts and feelings down on paper. Once the negative energy is placed on the page, they are free to let it go. This practice also works well when dealing with anger towards another individual. Purge the negativity and work towards a constructive approach.

    The ability to communicate with others is another benefit of keeping a journal. Those who work with life coaches can find a wealth of resources for sessions. Journaling can help you tap into your fears and dreams, helping your coach gain insight through entries that you choose to share.

    The tenth benefit is improvement in your overall health. Journaling reduces stress. It provides time for you to meditate. The process helps to make the positive forces in your life surface and it helps to bring the harmful elements into light. The result of personal journaling is a new perspective on how you can take control of many aspects of your life.

    Want to learn how online journaling can help you reach goals and problem solve? Learn more about life coach Toronto at brunologreco.com and journaling at iijournal.

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