People everyday focus on external factors, meaning they are more focused on what is happening beyond their control rather then what they can control. They believe this is the way of life. For these people, anything that does not meet their expectation or how they believe things should go will create a reaction often expressed in anger. Unknown to the reactor, the reason why they reacted is not because they were disappointed nor because their expectation was not met; they reacted with anger because of a familiar feeling that lies deep within their soul.
Children learn their behaviors and attitude based on the environment they develop within. A child that does not receive any positive support during their early childhood years will likely seek external validation as an adult. They will be unable to self-validate and will look at someone who they feel represent an authoritative figure so they can cast their expectations onto them only to be disappointed time and time again. Each time they have an expectation, they fall victim to disappointment and become enraged with the person that let them down. They have no control over the other person but yet they feel that person owes them happiness in some way.
It’s difficult for a person to see this kind of pattern persist in their life. It’s not until they consciously take a step back and look internally to understand why they continue to feel disappointed by those around them, why they feel that other people should provide the validation they seek, or why they feel the person that represents an authoritative figure in their life owes them happiness. Only then, and only if they dig deep into their soul will they understand why they feel the way they do and why they feel angry towards the people that disappointed them.
- What do you expect from those around you?
- What happens when they do not provide the validation you seek?
- What feeling or emotion are you left with when you’re not validated?
- Why do you feel these people must meet your expectation?
- Do you have control over anybody but yourself?
- Do you want to regain control of your life?
5 comments:
"They have no control over the other person but yet they feel that person owes them happiness in some way." – Could you explain this a little further? I'm not sure if I understand. Although this just might have to do with why I'm feeling a bit defensive.
What I mean is - People that require external validation have no control over the actions or what comes out of the mouth of the person they seek external validation from. They simply cannot control them, they can only control self and how they interpret the situation. Having an expectation is controlling a situation to go your way. The only way it will go your way is through open communication - to articulate what it is you want so the other person knows what is on your mind.
Does that help?
I just don't get how I "feel that person owes [me] happiness in some way." I have yet to see this about myself.
Generally, when someone has a level of expectation, perhaps overly relies on other people to fulfill some kind of internal void, (if they do this that means.., if they do that then for sure it means...but if they do it then it means... ) they become disappointed because whomever did not follow through just proved their logic. But if they follow through they are happy, until the next time.
Gotcha.
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