What is it about complaining that makes us feel better? It's not like the problem goes away after we are done complaining. Take for example the person with the sunburn. They could complain all they want but the sunburn isn't going to heal any faster. (Then there is responsibility, but that’s a whole different discussion) But when they complain, it makes them feel better, like some sort of chemical was released into their body that instantly lowered their blood pressure, making them feel better. Well… at least for a few seconds it did. Then what, they started to complain again, right?
What do you think happens when someone is around to validate the complaining? Think about all the times you've complained about something and someone was around to hear you complain and they validated whatever you were complaining about. How did you feel after they validated your complaint? You felt better, right? Or at least for a few seconds you did. You felt validated, empowered, and it fueled your emotions. But did it change anything you were complaining about, even though something made you feel better? Shouldn't whatever you were complaining about be gone?
What really felt better for a few seconds? Ever hear of the Ego? The Ego is you, the unconscious you that is fueled by feelings and emotions. When someone validates your emotions (complaining), it makes you feel better, empowering the Ego to grow in strength. The stronger the Ego grows, the more emotional you become. The Ego grows whenever you identify with situations or objects. You will know when you have identified with something because you will become highly defensive and or call rights to objects, for example: My house; My car; My friend, etc.
When you become aware that your Ego is at play in your day-to-day life, and you can begin to recognize when you are about to become defensive or start placing ownership on objects, you will have reached a sate of awareness. Even if you become aware after the situation, you will be on your way to becoming fully aware. In this case, after you are done complaining.
Are you interested in learning how you can Master Your Self-Awareness or who Bruno LoGreco is? Visit www.brunologreco.com today.
Bruno LoGreco is a Successful Toronto Life Coach with International clients in North America, Asia, and Africa.
10 comments:
I'm surprised at your sweeping oversimplification. Complaining doesn't make anyone feel better. If the complaint is dealt with, and the complaining helps you to achieve what you want, you feel better. If the complaint is not dealt with, it only exacerbates the initial sense of frustration. Complaining per se is a negative use of energy that makes no one feel "better". Why would it?
If the complaint is dealt with, the complaining helped to achieve your sense of self-worth, ultimately making you feel better.(I got what I wanted) If the complaint is not dealt with, it only exacerbates the initial sense of frustration. ( My expectation still have not been met)
Complaining is negative use of energy that never makes anyone feel better but maybe themselves.
Bruno - just called in from Bill's.
I did the autoblogger spoof as a one-off joke, and probably over-did it!
Interesting posts - have you come across Problogger and Scallywag - they have a lot of good blogging information and links related to developing blogs professionally.
Very interesting. I have never known a life coach. But what you say makes sense. I am going to read through the rest of your blog.
http://www.skelliewag.org/
was the link...(not scallywag!)
If you check out my cartoon blog - the link is at the top of the sidebar on my main page, you'll find a handful of blogging related sites or info that I've found helpful in that sidebar.
Thanks for your comment on mine...!
Thank you! That was exactly what I need :)
It is an interesting subject, and also interesting to know that waht a life coach is doing.
Buy the way I have answered your comment on my post, there.
I would also be happy to interchange our Blog Links, what's your opinion?
Your link is also added to my blog list. :)
People I have met who complain do not do so because it enables them to feel better. They choose to reinforce the pain and discomfort on purpose. They complain as a subconscious reminder they are not listening to their true selves. This means they are controlled by ego, and make choices to undermine what their soul wants.
A good guide is those choices that enable you to feel good, bring health and more experiences that bring more good feelings. To choose to feel bad draws attention to what lies beneath those feeligns, those things you ignore, fear or would prefer to avoid. The discomfort or nightmares are signals that its in your best interest to behave differently. Learn to listen.
Learning how to listen, so not to become resistant to the complaining, is the art that most people are afraid of. The fear of Being present and reconnecting with one self. Why are we afraid of this?
If we cannot connect with our true self, how can we possibly even know what is we are trying to listen for?
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