What is abandonment? How does it affect a person’s adult life? Is it connected to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
The meaning of abandonment used loosely is when the needs of a child have not been met. Perhaps the mother was not affection enough or did not express her love for the child. Whatever the case, the basic needs of the child were not met, leaving a gap in the child’s soul. It is very common for a person to have deep issues with abandonment that are both real, actual abandonment, and abandonment that is perceived by them and or about to take place.
A person dealing with issues of abandonment, could learn how not to trust anyone, for the fear the person will not be there when they are needed, might feel they are not important, not worthy, and feel the lack of respect among the people they think are supposed to love them.
Abandonment is found in disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Abandonment is often the root cause in people with BPD. One of the behaviors observed in a person with BPD, is the constant need to heal the wounded soul. The person is not conscious of the void left behind from one of the early development stages when trust is developed, and will go on a life long search to fill the void, or to find the love it so desperately seeks. The person will find temporary ways to fill the void, the wounded soul, but what they will do is begin to sabotage any relationship they are in or push people in their lives aside for the fear they too will be abandoned by them one day.
Abandonment can only be fixed with healing. People dealing with deep, rooted, abandonment issues, will have to come to terms with the understanding that they are the only one that can make themselves feel better, by accepting the hurt and so that the healing process can begin.
Bruno LoGreco Life Coach Toronto
7 comments:
But I guess it is not easy to make such a person to understand that he/she is the only one that can help him/her-self better. What is the way to treat that this person comes to this understanding?
It's a process of acceptance followed by grieving, almost like ones death. The person must grieve the lost and begin the process of self love.
It sometimes is very difficult for a person to come to this realization without support, but is doable through self-development tools.
I believe there is a lot we are not conscious of in our day-to-day lives. It may not always be something as profound as a deep-seated fear of abandonment. But even smaller fears have a way of turning into habits of avoiding things in life that might be be sources of fulfillment and joy.
People often repress discomfort without realizing possible root causes. Its part of a very personal process to admit any real discomfort exists and then, when ready, to choose to explore and do something about it. If you don't acknowledge a problem or source of pain exists, then you aren't ready for the next steps. Each person evolves at his or her own pace.
Good post. From what I've read this can also be one factor in the development of DID.
DID and BPD share similar symptoms at the surface level, but DID is deeply rooted into a persons subconscious. DID does require therapy with a therapist, whereas BPD can sometimes be treated with various life coaching techniques.
Sometimes the pain is constant in a persons life that it becomes the norm. To that person life is normal and they may have a hard time realizing that something is wrong all together.
Fear is what holds people back from doing the things they want to do in life for the fear of judgement, fear of pain, fear of death etc.
The brain is a very powerful tool and sometimes we allow it to become very creative with it's illusions, blinding us from what is really there in reality.
Excellent post. I lived with Borderline Personality for 25 years before the phrase gained prominence and info on BPD became available. Many shrinks say it isn't a real diagnosis, but I know otherwise. It nearly killed me.
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