I was just a young boy when I first learned to protect me. I was different then the rest of my family and friends. Even the kids at school were different. I quietly observed the people around me and how they interacted. I learned quickly what kind of behavior was and was not accepted. I also saw the consequences for unacceptable behavior.
I tested and measured my every thought and movement to ensure my safety. I had to protect me from the harshest environment that exists in life: society, culture, religious beliefs, and ignorance. I had become someone other than myself so I could protect me from everyone – nobody could be trusted. The consequences were too severe and too deep to trust anyone. Detached from self, I took on a new identity and soon after I had forgotten who I am.
To some degree even you protected yourself throughout your childhood. Perhaps you are that girl that grew up in a strict household, born to immigrant parents that did not want the neighbors to think their daughter is a slut. The presence of any boy followed verbal abuse and shouts of scandalous shame. You’re called every name in the book and reminded of the consequences that will follow should you act on your desires. “I promise I will never let them hurt you again.”
Maybe you’re that kid whose parents worked around the clock to make ends meet. You had lots of toys and cool gadgets but nobody to play with. When anyone was home they were too tired to play with you. Be a good boy and go play over there with your toys. “I wonder if they would even notice if I was gone.”
You’re that kid that got picked on at school, all the time. They laughed at you; they called you names and made you feel like you didn’t exist. You walked through the school hallways preying to make it to your next class before anyone sees you. They made you feel like something was wrong with you, like you were some contagious wart. You had to change. There was no other choice but to change your appearance to become one of them, to gain acceptance among your peers.
Along my journey I began to feel disconnected from my soul; who I am on the inside was not who I was on the outside. Slowly but surely my protective layers that I had built over the years started to fall off. As I became more self-aware and self-accepting, the layers seemingly fell off with ease.
Without the extra weight on my back I was able to see the world around me from a different perspective. From my viewpoint I see that it’s nobody's fault. The immigrant parents were new to North America. In their home country a woman needed to be pure at marriage, anything less would bring shame to the family. The boy’s parents who worked around the clock to make ends meet, if you look closely you will learn the parents grew-up with very little. So sure they wanted more for their child but were not aware of the cost. Even the bully's at school, they became bully's to protect his or her self from what was happening at home.
Awareness of thoughts, beliefs and emotions, opens life to new possibilities. You control your mind instead of your mind controlling you. You begin to see life from a different viewpoint; you see the truth, you see reality. Without the additional weight of the protective gear, you are able to see reality and not an illusion of what you want to see.
Are you ready to stop protecting yourself?
1 comment:
At any moment, you learn you are always protected. No human being is ever alone. Great story shared. Awareness is ever-evolving within everyone. You know more than you think.
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