What is Emotional intelligence?

Author: Pam Stanton

We hear the term “Emotional Intelligence” a lot in workplaces. We get told that great leaders have it. Our performance reviews tell us to increase it. But what is it?

Here it is plain and simple:

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to consciously align your behaviors to a desired outcome.
It may sound simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. That’s because behaviors are influenced by emotions, and emotions are influenced by a variety of things like personal needs, values, past experience, and instinct. The raw input of our environment passes through these filters, and our brain delivers a verdict in the form of an interpretation. And that, in turn, produces a behavior.

Basically, it’s “Channel and Choose.” Your brain receives stimulus, channels it through your own personal filters, and then chooses an action.

One of the wondrous and amazing things about the human brain is that it can operate at a meta level of consciousness, above these routine brain processes. We can become aware of our own filters, needs and values that trigger particular emotions. We can process those emotions and then evaluate potential responses. We can learn to recognize situations that create an “emotional-hijack” and produce ineffective (or even destructive) behaviors—and change that course.

Some think that “Emotional Intelligence” is all touchy-feely and requires you to act a certain way all the time. Nothing could be father from the truth. Emotional Intelligence is about being able to choose your behaviors, rather than having the behaviors choose you. It’s about recognizing patterns in yourself and others so that you can be in control of your actions.

Understanding oneself is the first level of Emotional Intelligence. With that insight, we can then move into understanding what drives other people’s behaviors. This is where the concept becomes extremely powerful.
How Does It Work?

Let’s say you’re trying to enlist colleagues to support a proposal. You know it’s a great idea, and you explain it in detail, and yet one of your associates blows up defensively and stalks out of the room. What happened? Well, that person’s brain filtered a strong negative emotion. Was it something you said? Was it how you said it? Could you have anticipated this reaction and changed your approach? This is where Emotional Intelligence gives us a rich toolkit.

People are all different, and yet there are predicable behavioral patterns that form personality styles. You may be familiar with some of these frameworks such as Myers-Briggs, Social Styles, or DiSC. These frameworks provide a structured way to understand behavioral tendencies, and develop an understanding of how your behavior affects others. These skills increase your effectiveness by improving your relationships with others. You can learn to tailor and adapt your communication style so that it meshes well with different styles, to produce a positive result. In avoiding other people’s emotional triggers and hijacks, the path remains open for collaboration.

How Do You Get Some?

Studies show that Emotional Intelligence is more important than IQ in determining the future success of a person. The good news about Emotional Intelligence is that it can be learned and refined over time.

1. Gain Insight to Yourself. There are many ways to do this. You can complete a standard assessment such as the DiSC Inventory or the Social Styles index. These assessments are available through a variety of sources online and deliver a detailed report of your overall tendencies.

Another means of insight is to ask people you trust. This requires courage and a thick skin, and your genuine desire to take in whatever they have to say, even if you disagree. Hearing something that seems totally inconsistent with your self-perception can be very painful, but it’s also the best way to see gaps between your intentions and your behaviors.

2. Learn About Emotional Intelligence and Personality Styles. Two of the principal works on Emotional Intelligence are Emotional Intelligence by Dr. Daniel Goleman, and Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Drs. Travis Bradbury and Jeanne Greaves. Books like People Styles at Work (Robert Bolton & Dorothy Grover Bolton) break down how each personality style filters information, communicates, and interacts with the other styles. There are numerous books and classes available on the DiSC framework, as well.

3. Work on One or Two Behaviors At a Time. Rather than trying to take on the whole world of personality differences, choose one or two areas that seem to cause you the most trouble. Maybe it’s having people listen to you? Perhaps it’s your short temper? Observe the situations where this happens, note the external stimulus or triggers, and think about how your brain may be unconsciously delivering a filtered response that is counter-productive. You’ll be amazed at how much calmer you can remain when you are aware of your own “hot buttons.”

4. Get a Coach or a Mentor. If you want a truly objective viewpoint, a coach or mentor can be invaluable. They will help you to recognize patterns in yourself and others, and build your ability to consciously choose your behaviors rather than being driven by pure emotion.

Once you understand how your emotions influence your behaviors, and the behaviors of others, you will look at interactions as opportunities to build rapport and enhance communication. The benefits are immense to decision-making, relationships, and even to your overall health. According to Warren Bennis, author of On Becoming a Leader, “Emotional Intelligence is much more powerful than IQ in determining who emerges as a leader. IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn’t make you a star. Emotional Intelligence can.”

And who doesn’t want to be a star?

Get started on cultivating emotional intelligence this week with Pam Stanton and myself on #AskTheCoach Thursday 4pm

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor, Author & Speaker

What is Emotional intelligence?

Balancing Stress

The melodic truth gifted to us all by Eckhart Tolle, in the opening of his book: Practicing the Power of Now, recites stepping out of one’s self and simply observing. Whether it be a difficult situation, personal issue, struggle with inner-self conflict or simply loosing life to Father Time. By becoming the observer, you activate a higher level of consciousness. Thus, crystalizing all the things that truly matter – creativity, love, family, friendship and inner peace – take shape, forging beyond the mind. Calmness abounds.

These days, how many of us truly resonate with living seamless and fulfilling lives? We all chase the hands of time, barely winning the race. We run about our crazy days much like robots. Not quite realizing the magnitude of stress building and festering from deep within us all. Stress is a fact of life. The impact that stress carries can for some, be quite overwhelming and for others a charging force.

You could say there is “good” and “bad” stress. For stress to be considered good it must be well managed so that it may stimulate and serve as an aid for achieving balance in all aspects of your life. Good stress may work as a motivator to propel higher achievements within ourselves.



Bad stress unfortunately has an adverse effect on most people. It can cause you to break out in a cold sweat, your heart rate may accelerate, and you may even feel a surge of fear brewing from within thepit of your stomach. All this can make you feel ill both internally and externally, thereby harming your personal health, well-being and happiness.

Logon to Twitter.com and search #TipTuesday for hourly tips on how to reduce stress and anxiety by Bruno LoGreco master life coach, mentor & spokesperson

Join me and a team of experts this week as we discuss Stress & Anxiety on #AskTheCoach Thursday 4pm.

Balancing Stress

What Are You Ashamed About?

Humans are extremely intelligent Beings. Most of us are under our parent wings for almost two decades while we learn as much as we can before moving on and creating our own life. That’s 20 years of experience and wisdom to draw upon as we live out our lives. Do you know any other mammal that nurtures their offspring for almost 20 years? It also means 20 years worth of wrong messaging and false beliefs passed down to us from past generations if we don’t use wisdom to challenge those beliefs to create a set of new guiding principles that adhere to our own moral conduct.

Did you know that most of our emotional reactions are learned within the first 6 to 7 years of life? We learn moral conduct; knowing right from wrong by age 3, the birthplace of Shame:

“Humiliation or distress caused by the conscious of wrong or foolish behavior.”

That’s how old I was when knowing that I wouldn’t be accepted in our general society because according to them, whomever they are, who I am is “Wrong.” So for 31 years I struggled with a moral conflict - Right vs. Wrong.

For most of the two decades while under my parents wings I chose to do the “right” thing. I cooperated and lived my life according to socially acceptable norms. It wasn’t too difficult to do. I adapted to my environment and behaved exactly the way people “should.” I observed and watched very closely how my kind reacted to societies ignorance. And I made sure my response wasn’t the same. It’s another testament of human beings tenacity for survival.

Being consciously aware of every step you take. Every word you speak. And every lie you create eventually does take a toll on your psyche. It makes you sad, angry and bitter at the world. You feel like a prisoner trapped inside a small universe, yearning for freedom but fearing the consequences. “Is it really worth it – My freedom at their expense?”

Who is really suffering?

Who I am and who I was becoming because of a moral conflict, were at opposite ends. Imagine an elastic band being stretched. At one end is me – authentic me running away from society. And at the other end it was adaptable me, who I’d become, running towards society. How much further can the elastic band stretch before snapping?

Is who I am so “Wrong” or is what they believe “Wrong”? That was the question needing an answer. If they are right and who I am is “wrong” then I deserve to live inside a small universe. But if I am right and live according to my moral conduct and do no wrong. Then I should grow as a Human Being and my universe should grow by leaps and bounds.

Ask Yourself:

1. What is so wrong about me?
2. What is the worse case scenario should anyone learn the truth - Does anything change?
3. What is the worse comment someone can say?
4. If I continue to stretch the elastic who is going to get hurt?
5. Who is likely to judge me?

That’s when I realized the most important questions needing answers are:

1. Do they contribute to my overall growth?
2. Will they help my universe grow by leaps and bounds?

Join us Thursday at 4pm EST for #AskTheCoach as Ivana Pejakovic B.Sc., MA takes the helm and will lead a 1-hour discussion on:

 Shame: “A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the conscious of wrong or foolish behavior.”

Don’t miss it!

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Author & Speaker

What Are You Ashamed About?

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

Afraid of showing your true colour's? What are you missing out on by pretending to be something you are not? What's the cost of suppressing the real you?



Bruno LoGreco life coach, author and spokesperson

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability

How Do You Make The Time To Creatively Express Yourself?

Author: Misty Shaw

How Do You Make The Time To Creatively Express Yourself?

Between work, family, and the many obligations of life, where's the time for YOU? How can you carve out the personal time to creatively express yourself? Do you have an inner artist that yearns to paint? Maybe you've enjoyed creating melodies with musical instruments. Is there a hobby you have enjoyed in the past, only to be shelved because of the obligations of everyday life? Your creative self can shine again, simply by making the time to get in touch with your inner creativity.

Your favorite activities may be sitting on a shelf, collecting dust. The items are there, waiting for you to pick them up again. Maybe you have an old sketchbook you can open up again--just draw a few simple doodles to get yourself into the "groove". Is that violin tucked deep in a closet, surrounded by its protective case? Maybe you can bring it out of hiding and play it for your children, allowing them to hear the beautiful sounds of a stringed instrument. If you're a writer, maybe you can maintain a weblog about a subject you're interested in, or creatively write fantastic stories in your journal. If you don't feel artistically talented, you could express yourself by updating aspects of your wardrobe. What colors and fabrics can you wear for those nice dinner outings? What can you change about about your everyday office attire that communicates success? What would you like to wear that would enhance your glowing personality?

Just by taking small steps towards your inner creativity, you will most likely "find" the time to express yourself. After those initial steps, a drummer may polish her percussive skills through hours of practice. The painter creates beautiful abstract images in acrylics to display around the home. The writer begins a process of penning a book to sell through the internet. About that wardrobe--maybe you have found the perfect ensemble for a nice evening at a jazz club. As you refine your creative skills in these areas, you feel great about yourself!

How can you keep these experiences of creativity going? You must be proactive in preserving the time for your creative self. The circumstances of your daily life may eventually crowd in on your creative time. You can schedule your creative time a few days a week, even if only for half hours at a time. When is the best time of day to indulge in your everyday activities? Early in the morning before everyone rises? How about sometime in the afternoon during a long break? Are the evening hours better for you? As you continue your modes of expression, you may experience increased amounts of time.

Now that you've found the joy in your creativity, it is up to you to protect your creative time.

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach, Toronto native

How Do You Make The Time To Creatively Express Yourself?

6 Ways to Quickly Increase Your Self Esteem

Self esteem is defined as a feeling or sense of pride in yourself. This feeling can come from doing a number of different things. Most times it happens when you achieve something you work for or you set a goal and you've accomplished it through commitment and persistence.

When you feel like everything is going wrong or you aren't achieving what you set out to do, this can cause your self esteem to tumble. Low self esteem can lead to depression, stress and anxiety, so it's not worth it in the long run. To get the boost you need so you can continue on and reach for your goals you will need to follow the six tips below.

1. Stop comparing yourself with other people. Everyone is unique and has different values and strengths. Comparing yourself to someone who is nothing like you is accepting defeat from the start.

2. Stop putting yourself down. Separate your thoughts from you. When you start down the path of negativity look at your thoughts and ask yourself if they are true.

3. Hangout with positive people. Positivity rubs off plus it isn't heavy unlike negativity which drags you down. The human brain is highly adaptable and can easily turn positive as long as the environment is right.

4. Make a list of your values. Review this list often and foster those values. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

5. Grab every opportunity that comes your way. Do not dither and wait for a better one that may never come.

6. Pump oxygen into your brain because it needs it. Incorporate 15 to 20 minutes of medium intensity cardio vascular into your daily routine. You boost your immune and lymphatic system and its a sure way to boost your self esteem.

Self confidence is the foundation for success. Everything you are and everything you do depends on your self esteem. Your sense of worth forms the basis of your inner stability, your outer personality; and fuels your performances.

With so many different things that can cause you to have low self esteem, can you find one reason to not learn new ways to prevent your self esteem from taking a nosedive? Don't let past memories and failures dictate your future. Replace every reason why you can't accomplish a task with a strong reason why you can and start today.

Want to learn more about boosting confidence and self esteem? Bruno LoGreco is a Celebrity Life Coach Toronto native, Mentor & Author. Visit http://www.brunologreco.com and find out how to boost your confidence and self esteem

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6127411

6 Ways to Quickly Increase Your Self Esteem

A Prisoner of Mind

Every day brings a new story and everyday is the end of a story. Breaking news from the world we live in: Mother Nature unleashes her fury on one nation. Global recession recovering, construction is climbing; Home one day and gone in the next. Uprisings and revolutions - Peace and war.

From one day to the next seasons change. Today there is snow tomorrow rain, a sign of an ending season. Trees blossom and flowers bloom changing the landscape from cold and grey to warm green and blue.

No one-day will ever be the same. From birth to 1 to adolescent years, young adulthood to the present time you learn and grow never knowing what tomorrow will bring. Guided by wisdom and experience much of life is an experience creating illusions of what will be or perhaps for a few, reality.

Stuck in a world that is forever changing too afraid of letting go for fear of what you don’t know. Look back; look at where you’ve come from now realize you couldn’t possibly have known – No, not until you were ready to know. Now move forward confidently liberating your mind to free.

Bruno LoGreco, life coach toronto, author & motivational speaker

A Prisoner of Mind

What guys need to know before Valentine's Day!

Valentine’s Day comes but once a year, so guys, you have one chance to make it perfect for that special lady in your life. Ladies love things that have meaning and are romantic. If you do it right, you’ll be in her good graces for a long time.

One thing you need to remember is women know when you don’t put your heart into this special day. They know when you forget or rush to get something done, so it’s crucial that you take the time to plan and make this special day worth it and special for her.

A dozen roses and a card that says I love you isn’t going to cut it. You need to treat her like she’s the most important person in the world to you, treat her like she’s special and that she’s the queen because she is in your world. So give her the attention she deserves.

Turn the game off and give her your undivided attention. One of the easiest ways to plan for this big night is to listen to her. Find out what she likes and what she thinks is the most romantic thing. This will help you plan the meal and the evening’s activities.

You should consider special things throughout the day so she has something to look forward to all day long. You can start by having flowers sent to her work, then put a note handwritten by you in her lunch, then have a card with hints for what the evening will include waiting for her at home. You could take her to her favorite restaurant for dinner and then take her to the chick flick she’s been begging you to take her too or maybe a candle light dinner and a movie on the couch is what she’d rather have. The questions you asked earlier will help you make the right choice.

Guys remember Valentine’s Day is special for woman and they want it to be perfect. When you plan and prepare for this special day she’ll see all the hard work you put into the evening and she’ll be happy and feel special. Make her feel like a queen and show her you love her with all your heart. She’ll love you for it!

Bruno LoGreco master life coach, author & motivational speaker

What guys need to know before Valentine's Day!

Obsessing and Beating Up Yourself? Here's a Healthier Choice

I caught myself obsessing yesterday. I was planning this upcoming week scheduling appointments, physical training, studying and writing, and time for ‘me’ into the calendar. I always schedule ‘me’ time everyday. Me time usually consist of breaks for meals, meditating and some sort of creative expression. I’m not anal about it so if I skip a day it’s okay but if I skip too many days I fall out of whack and become useless to my clients. So it is important that I make time for what matters.

Essentially I make time for everything that contributes to my overall personal and professional growth and especially if it helps me maintain a healthy balance of mind-body-soul. And we all know achieving this balance is easier said than done… Right?
It was after twelve o’clock when I decided to go back to an old project to review it and learn from it. I am that guy that learns from mistakes. And as much as I am that guy sometimes I hate what I find. “What were you thinking?” is the question that almost always follows after reviewing something and right before I start beating up myself – just like you do. And that’s what I did yesterday when I started obsessing.

I don’t know about you but my logic goes to hell in a hand basket when I don’t eat. My blood sugar drops and things don’t make sense anymore and I lose patience. Not only that but I can’t think things through properly. Its pretty good indicator I need nutrients when I can’t connect the dots.

By one o’clock I was famished, running late and beating up myself. I opened the refrigerator door hoping for leftovers but I didn’t cook Saturday, so I knew nothing was there. I closed the refrigerator door and pulled on the freezer drawer and Voila! – A Healthy Choice Gourmet Steamer – Beef Merlot, my favorite of all the flavors. It took all of 5-minutes to get the nutrients I need.

After lunch I realized there was no way I could have done any better on that project because I did not have experience. It was my first time doing something like that. I had to go through that process to learn the skills I need to do it better the next time. And I’m sure after each experience I will get better and better at it just like any other skill.


Would you believe it took just a little bit of clarity to come to that realization? What changed in such a short period of time you might ask? Nutrients! I Replaced the fiber, iron, and carbohydrates my brain craves. I replenished the energy it needs for me to be able to see things clearly and to find an honest solution.

It really can be this easy if you made time for what matters.

Visit Breakfast Television for a chance to win $3,000 towards a healthy new lifestyle!

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Author & Motivational Speaker

Obsessing and Beating Up Yourself? Here's a Healthier Choice

Hurry hurry run run there's no time for this

A few summers ago I was driving home alone from New York. I was driving on Interstate-90, next to the St. Lawrence River. It’s a beautiful drive – very picturesque in spots. Hillsides lined with trees along the River. In the car I was listening to “Slowly” by Macy Gray.

Would it be so bad if we just stopped for a while

And enjoyed the thrills we could all be still let the world just pass us by

But it's all hurry hurry run run there's no time for this

We want more and more got to win got to score so afraid of what we'll miss

And it moves so fast

Nothing lasts

A culmination of the song and scenery awakened me to a new level of awareness. Suddenly everything moved in slow motion. Me, the car and everything else became part of the picture. In one eye fixation I processed a panoramic view of the landscape. It was incredible. Everything was so crisp, so vivid and rich in color.

What I took away from that drive was a tool to help my life coaching clients and me slow down and to enjoy the moment. When you are in the moment taking in everything with clarity, that’s when real opportunities present themselves. That’s when you could see things you wouldn’t otherwise see.

But, life does take over and just like anything else you learn, if you don’t practice it you lose it – its natural. However, with awareness not only do you need to constantly practice it you need to continue to learn how to apply it to all facets of life – and that’s a lifelong journey.

This morning I learned something new about myself. Something I didn’t know I had until it happened again. Without any distractions (and this is why I am a morning person) I caught myself in a similar state of mind moving in slow motion and voila! I became aware of something new. It is the missing link to the next step in my career and now I have it…

I’m blessed and grateful. Thank you!

Bruno LoGreco life coach toronto, author & motivational speaker

Hurry hurry run run there's no time for this

Did you know...

if you hear something enough times you begin to believe it?

How many times were you labeled “lazy” or “procrastinator”, how about “dumb ass” or “stupid?” What else might you have been labeled in the past? Take a moment and write down some of those labels onto a piece of paper.

What do you believe about yourself - When you doubt yourself and don’t feel confident in your abilities; when you believe failure is on the horizon and that you’ll be judged for it. What words come to mind? Take a moment and write them down.

Compare the two lists. Did you carry those labels forward to the present?

Are those the same labels stopping you from pursuing a different kind of life - The life you thought you should be living instead of the one you are living?

Challenge Your Beliefs

Take Back Control

Break Down The Box

Tri-Commitment to Success

by Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto

Did you know...

There's No Help For You...

What would you do if you went to a therapist for help and after a few sessions he says to you, “There is no help for you, there isn’t anything anyone could do for you to help you with your problems. You are on your own.” What would you do if your therapist said that to you?

That’s exactly what happened to Sonia. Sonia poured her heart and soul into telling her therapist everything that had happened throughout life to her. She hoped and preyed to find someone who would understand and could help her, but she had no such luck with this therapist. Could you imagine how she felt at that moment? She walked away feeling crushed.

“Oh my God! A professional just told me there’s no help for me. They were right – all of them. I am a crazy, loud woman. I’m useless.”

Can you blame her for wanting to sabotage her life? She believed there was no possibility for help. How does she go about finding a better life after someone who’s supposed to be able to help her says there is no hope for her?

Even after the hard blow to her soul, Sonia didn’t give-up. Deep down inside she knew she wasn’t crazy. She knew she had much to offer the world, so she turned to her family doctor.

By this time her anxiety was through the roof. Can you blame her? Imagine having to prove yourself for 40+ years. Giving up on your dreams doing everything for everyone else, which goes unappreciated. And whenever someone does notice anything it’s never good enough. I don’t know about you but my anxiety would be through the roof, too. So the doctor prescribed her medication. The meds were to help her cope with the anxiety.

Then one day she remembered watching an episode of Style By Jury with expert life coach Bruno LoGreco. She ran to the computer and googled ‘life coach toronto’ and sure enough the first life coach on the search is Master Life Coach Bruno LoGreco.

It has been 6 weeks since I first met Sonia. Her life isn’t the same anymore. She’s a much calmer person today who makes wiser decisions. She is in the process of letting go much of her 40+ years so that she can make room for new experiences. Her relationships have improved, but the biggest improvement she’s made thus far is she now has self-respect. She’s not worried about other people controlling her life anymore. She’s reclaimed her control and is breaking down the box.

Sonia is an inspiration and I cannot wait until you meet her. She truly is an inspiration.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Author & Motivational Speaker

There's No Help For You...

Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence

Self confidence is the foundation for success. Everything you are and everything you do depends on your self esteem. Your sense of worth forms the basis of your inner stability, your outer personality; and fuels your performances. Self confidence is not about beating your own drum or trumpeting your supremacy to the world. It is a quiet strength that comes from self-acceptance and inner contentment.


Self confidence:

• defines your self-worth

• provides a positive outlook on life and yourself

• defines how you acknowledge your inner strengths and weaknesses.

• provides the ability to accept the reality of your circumstances

• provides the courage to face your challenges

• proves your suitability for life’s tasks and situations.

• provides the foundation for happiness, well-being, and success.

• makes you more attractive to yourself and others

• makes you a better partner, lover and friend


To build your confidence you first have to know yourself. That process involves taking a thorough and honest look within to acknowledge the strengths humility may prevent you from accepting, and the faults that humiliation might prevent you from admitting. Self awareness is the only path that can lead to your desired success and beyond. Without it you are simply tilting at windmills following a quest that is both delusional and ineffective.

Sign-up for my newsletter at www.brunologreco.com and be among the first to read: Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence when its released.

Author: Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Keynote Speaker & Television Personality

Polishing The Diamond Within - A Guide To Self Confidence

Discover The Diamond Within - Behind The Illusion

Here I am. I disappeared for a little bit. I am taking a break from blogging to enjoy the summer season. The weather has been incredibly nice this summer and I am taking advantage of it. As I look at the calendar, tomorrow is the beginning of August and soon “Back To School” commercials will dominate the airwaves. So before it’s all over and I myself return to school, I want to enjoy every moment of it while I can.

Just last week I released the latest edition of my newsletter. Within it I talk about the projects I am working on for this upcoming Fall. The project that has me most excited, besides pursuing a degree in psychology, I am finally launching Discover The Diamond Within – Behind The Illusion. The workshop I’ve been working on for a few years. Sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website at: www.brunologreco.com

Discover The Diamond Within – Behind The Illusion is designed to increase awareness and to unveil and accept the true person behind the illusion – rather than the person we so badly want others to see. Everyone will leave feeling confident when answering, “Who Am I?”
Here is just a taste of the self-discovery participants will embark upon when they attend:

• Self Awareness
• Self-limiting and defeating beliefs
• Negative behavior patterns
• Free Will
• Dissolve Shame
• Self-Acceptance
• Core Values
• Self-Identity

The best part about the workshop is that I designed it to be motivating and inspiring. I use mindfulness techniques to enchant and enlighten participants, along with music and visual arts to evoke emotions and to reinforce awareness and understanding. I even created a workbook for everyone to take home to practice what they learn. It’s jammed packed with stories and ideas that will unlock the unconscious mind to Discover The Diamond Within.

COMING OCTOBER 16th, 2010.

By: Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Author & Television Personality

Discover The Diamond Within - Behind The Illusion

"I am not good enough"

Giving up on tasks, which seem difficult and that pose a potential failure, will only develop a false sense of self while reinforcing negative, self-defeating behaviors. It is these behaviors, which are at the root of most perceived failures and regret in life.

Ask yourself, Why did I give up? Did I find the task too difficult, was it out of my comfort zone, maybe I lacked the skill set to achieve it successfully. What did I tell myself so it would be okay to give-up?

When you give-up on tasks regardless of the reason, what you are doing is accepting defeat and confirming the underlying belief, “I am not good enough.” This false sense of self, albeit untrue, will limit the amount of success you will achieve in life.

But nobody wants to feel inadequate so there will be a need to prove to yourself and to others that you are "good enough", and you do that by over compensating and doing more of what’s within your comfort zone almost all the time, reproducing a similar outcome every time. To make matters worse, over compensating in hopes of feeling like you are “good enough” only leads to further frustration and disappointment because the proof that you’re seeking from others seldom arrives, leaving you forever feeling inadequate – simply “not good enough.”

What’s worse is that you don’t know what “good enough” even looks like. How can someone get something if they don’t know what it looks like? The bar you’re striving for is impossible to achieve because it is illusionary – it’s nonexistent. So it is an imaginary bar that’s then used to determine your capabilities - what you can and cannot accomplish, what you are and are not qualified to do, and whether or not you have the necessary skill set to try something new (which in itself represents change, uncertainty and the potential for failure).

Unfortunately, it is this kind of mindset, which misses out on many opportunities. It is also this mindset that will have many regrets throughout life, especially for the things that you wish you had done.

Accepting defeat without trying is failing. So stop wasting your time seeking what you will never get from others and use that energy on tasks you will wish you had.

Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Author & Television Personality

"I am not good enough"

A burning desire to find the secret

I keep saying how much I love life and how beautiful it is. I’ve always believed that life is extraordinary even from childhood. I knew then that one day I would discover the secret to life and soar all the way to the top – meaning that I will be the best at whatever I do and from it I will live the life I dream. What I didn’t know was that I already knew the secret.

I spent a lot of time roaming hallways when I worked in the corporate world. I couldn’t fathom the idea of working for a company until I was 65 so I could enjoy my senior years in retirement. It just didn’t make any sense to me, so I’d roam the hallways thinking of ways to work for myself. I thought of everything I could possibly imagine. I read book after book hoping to find something interesting enough for me to get excited - something that would utilize my existing skills. Every book turned up empty. In fact I knew most of what I read – It was common sense to me.

If you believe something for long enough it eventually becomes reality. I believed life is extraordinary from the get-go so I am not surprised that I am in love with life. Even during my days of conflict I still had hope in me. I am grateful I did because here I am today armed with a wealth of knowledge and with the secret.

I had a burning desire to find the secret and to use it to my advantage. I knew my success would depend largely on my commitment so I never lost sight of what I was looking for. Although it was right there the entire time I couldn’t see it because I didn’t believe it was possible for me to know it already.

I also believe nothing good ever comes easy because if it did we would take it for granted and not appreciate it. I knew the secret for a very long time and because I didn’t have to work for it it wasn’t valuable enough for me to use.

Life takes on a whole new meaning when you apply the secret to it. Everything changes right before your eyes – obstacles turn into stimulation and ideas turn into a burning desire.

Bruno LoGreco, life coach, toronto mentor & motivational speaker

A burning desire to find the secret

WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?

We all do something or another even when we don’t want to. For whatever reason we just do those things. Maybe it’s an automatic reaction – the need to not disappoint anyone, or something we learned a long time ago and we just live by it. Sometimes it only takes a few seconds and it’s out of the way for now, and other times it takes a few hours and only puts a dent into it. The irony of it is, all while doing whatever it is we don’t want to do we play along and make believe we are happy doing it.

Those are the things we tolerate in life. We do them because we believe we have to. It is a way to keep the peace – not to stir the pot with friends and family. Or we believe its wrong to speak up and to explain why we don’t want to do it. Perhaps we believe it is disrespectful to say “no.” In the past, saying “no” has lead to major arguments and in the end we were left defending our emotions. So it is easier to just say “yes” and to tolerate it.

It is those things, which we tolerate, that eventually lead us to resentment. And once resentment sets in we can kiss communication goodbye. Here we become short in our response and feel that they should know exactly why we are upset with them. We expect them to give us an exact response, a validation, or something to acknowledge our effort. And that expectation is never fulfilled. We go on growing increasingly bitterer.

Why let it get to that point? Why not nip it in the bud - put a stop to it before it gets to that point where all communication breaks down. Simply said, it isn’t worth it. Our emotions will get the better part of us and we will say things we don’t mean in the effort to fulfill our need for validation.

1. Make a list of things you tolerate in your life. Look into different aspect of your life and become aware of your emotions as you make the list: Relationships, tasks, hobbies, business, responsibilities, job, location, etc.
2. Observe your emotions as you make the list and assign a numeric value next to each item denoting the level of emotion associated to it. Use a scale from 1 to 5. 5 indicating a high level of emotion.
3. Review the list and next to each item ask yourself: Can I do less of it?

• If you answered Yes, start moving away from it
• If you answered No, ask yourself:

i. Why not?
ii. How does it make me feel?
iii. Is what I am doing my responsibility?
iv. Whose responsibility is it?
v. What are the negative consequences if I say no?
vi. Will life come to an end if I say no?

Use your knowledge to stop tolerating those things which lead to resentment. Become assertive - there is no need for aggression when you know why you are saying NO to tolerations. In fact, when you know why you are saying NO, that’s all you will ever have to say.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

WTF! I said NO! What part of it don't you understand?

Who Am I?

Who am "i", who is "self"? Am "i" all the experiences; the pleasurable and the uneventful? Am "i" all the good which has happened to me? Am "i" all the bad which has happened to me? Am "i" what "i" believe "self" can and cannot be? Am "i" what "i" think and what "i" feel? Am "i" what "i" believe and what "i" imagine to be based on my history? Am "i" what "i" see in the mirror (likes and dislikes)? Am "i" only what "i" can see?

When "i" dream of becoming a celebrity but only to gain fame and fortune and to boost "i's" false sense of "self" confidence, one can conclude "i" has a big "ego". And at the other end if "i" is considered passive, nice, wouldn't kill a fly, one could generally conclude "i" is "egoless" and might have low "self" esteem. But in reality both the good and bad are egoic expressions based on "i" the personality.

95% of what "i" does today will be an egoic expression. Everything from operating a motor vehicle to how "i" responds to its environment. "i" relieves "self" from the automatic functions which "i" executes moment-to-moment such as the amount of pressure "i" puts on the gas pedal and to the breaks, while "self" has conscious thought towards the vehicles ahead and to the traffic light that is just about to turn red. "SELF" is responsible for the remaining 5%.

A true understanding of the word "ego" is all inclusive both the good the bad the nice and the ugly. It is everything including the saboteur who creates "self" doubt and the "self" limiting beliefs stopping "self" from new experiences and from growth. And it is also the unconditional loving, helping and caring person that "i" wants to be. It doesn't matter if "i" is a superstar or if "i" is a saint, whether "i" is shy and quiet or if "i" is loud and obnoxious. "i" is ego and that is what "self" sees.

But what if "i" had nothing happen; "i" doesn't have much of a history - nothing good, nothing bad, who would "i" be? What if "i" isn't defined by history, not by the pleasurable nor the uneventful, who would "i" really be? What if "i" is stripped of the status, the fame and the fortune, what would be left for "SELF" to see?

Who am I?

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

Who Am I?

Extra - Extra Read All About It: Emotional Time Bomb Waiting To Happen

We all have one of those environments that we walk into, that no matter how hard we try to keep our emotions in check, somehow every time the usual suspects are together one thing leads to another and before anyone could see anything coming, emotions spew themselves everywhere giving everyone something to talk about. We lo-o-o-s-s-e it, then burst out of there.

"Why does that always happen?"

The worst part about it is, when you reflect on those experiences you realize the big to-do, which left everyone with something to talk about, didn’t even resolve the question that was asked at the beginning. You were speaking about apples and them bananas. Everyone missed the boat - and the boat before that, and the one before that one too.

The trick to learning to defuse those situations from catching on fire in the first place is to become an observer. As hard as it is for some of us to do, a key skill needed to be an observer is to listen. We must sit and listen; watch on as others interact with one another, and listen to the many conversations and the responses to questions.

When the brain is not lit light a Christmas tree, there isn’t a need to react to whatever is happening in front of us. We observe and take-in everything from body language to the energy within the room. We can even feel the tension rise. But if the brain is stimulated, hot and heavy and ready to fire torpedoes from one neuron to the next, we miss everything and never learn how to defuse a situation.

After sitting through several experiences as an observer, only then could we really know who the troublemakers and instigators really are. And lets not forget about Debbie Downer. She knows how to suck the life out of anyone with her stories. Now we are armed with a wealth of information and we will think twice before allowing them into manipulate us into a full out war.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

Extra - Extra Read All About It: Emotional Time Bomb Waiting To Happen

Communication - Is It The Key To A Successful Relationship?

Most recently I got asked if I provide couples coaching. Can I coach couples to learn to communicate and to establish a new relationship with each other? My answer was “Yes” but I went on to explain that there is a risk that in the end there might not be a relationship. The process and the method I use in couples coaching is almost the same one I use for personal coaching – I teach clients self-awareness and to live authentically, meaning true to one self. To live a truthful and authentic life means being honest with yourself especially when you recognize that you are in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. That's why I split-up couples for the first few sessions.

The couple is split-up so there is no finger pointing during the session – one pointing a finger to the other not owning any responsibility for what they contributed into the relationship. Its easier to coach individuals into seeing what they can't when there isn't somebody else in the room interrupting you only to say, “see, I told you so”, plus they get the freedom to speak candidly, and I make sure I’m a life coach and not a referee.

The benefits couples get when they split-up is endless. It gives them an opportunity to learn about themselves without any judgment coming from the partner. They will be more receptive and engaged in the process and won’t get defensive when faced with the truth.

You can’t repair nor change what you won’t accept is broken.

When they aren't busy defending themselves it means they are open to admitting they're part of the problem, which is the first step to identifying the root cause. It’s typically a dominant, self-limiting and sometimes destructive behavior developed from past experiences, which they are not aware of. Through a series of exercises they learn to recognize those negative behavioral patterns and the triggers, and use the awareness to take better decisions, breaking the cycle of negative behavior. With self-awareness, accepting responsibility and taking ownership for self is much easier, and as a result they are better able to communicate with their partner.

After a few individual sessions, the couple is ready to attend their first session together. Both of them will have a sense of awareness and will be held accountable for his or her behavior during the session - No finger pointing only accountability. The session is designed to test the couple and their ability to communicate with one another during a stressful exercise. It tests the couple as they observe there own behavior and emotions. At the end of the exercise they tell each other 5 things they learned about themselves.

The process is a huge eye opener. The couple learns about each other’s behavior. Unfortunately, sometimes what they learn is enough to end the relationship, but in many cases its enough for the couple to begin to develop a new relationship built on a solid foundation, and they do so with the ability to communicate.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & Mentor

Communication - Is It The Key To A Successful Relationship?