The Secrets of Self-Confidence

Guest Author: Ivana Pejakovic

The key to success, happiness, and overall life satisfaction is confidence. Those who lack confidence tend to miss out on opportunities that would bring them closer to what they desire.

While some people tend to lack confidence in multiple areas of their lives, others only lack it in one or two situations. We are most likely to lose our self-confidence when trying the new and unfamiliar (when we don’t have a clue as to how things will turn out) or in situations that bring up bad memories (e.g., presenting, meeting new people, etc.).

Self-confidence is not something we are born with; rather it is something we can build on throughout life. Unfortunately, confidence is not something that will automatically add up over time. Our level of confidence is influenced by our upbringing and it is dependent on how determined we are as adults to overcome our fears and build on our abilities.

Here are 6 steps you can take on a daily basis to help boost your confidence levels.



Self-awareness: Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, attitude, and behaviour is an important part of building self-confidence. Knowing what makes you nervous or uncomfortable is the first step to gaining the confidence to overcome the fear.

Self-acceptance: After you become aware of yourself and of the situations that bring you discomfort, it is important you accept yourself as you are. This doesn’t mean you’re accepting the situation for what it is and you aren’t willing to change it. It’s simply an acknowledgment that you aren’t perfect. Once you can accept this, you can free your mind from negativity and you are able to start working towards improving the areas you wish.

Eliminating False Beliefs: Chances are you hold beliefs about yourself that aren’t true. These beliefs hold you back from trying new things and as a result further deteriorate your confidence level. Challenge what you believe about your abilities and about what you deserve through everyday action. As you start showing yourself that you CAN accomplish things, you will start breaking down the false beliefs and building your confidence.

Positive Self-talk: Do you have a habit of putting yourself down? To build self-confidence, you absolutely must speak to yourself with respect and faith. Even when you’re not sure of how things will turn out, you need to speak to yourself in a positive, encouraging, and loyal manner.

Taking Responsibility: Everything that happens in your life is a result of how you thought and of what you did. At times, it is difficult to connect your role to an unfavourable or favourable outcome; however, with enough analysis you’ll be able to connect the dots. The purpose of taking responsibility of what happens in your life is not to blame yourself, but to gain a sense of control over yourself. Control means you have the power over how you behave and think. Knowing how much control you have over yourself in any situation automatically boosts self-confidence.

Keep Trying the New: There is no better way to build confidence than to try something new each day. You don’t have to start with major things, however if you try something new each day, over time you will notice you’ve become more daring. The trick of course is to be proactive in your life and search for new things you can experience.

Join me and our resident experts on Twitter for a live discussion of confidence and fear; Thursday, June 2nd at 4PM EST #AskTheCoach

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach, Author & Speaker

The Secrets of Self-Confidence

Conquering Fear

Are you afraid to try new things? Or do you make a few tentative steps then give up before you’ve had a chance to really begin? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why? Is it to avoid failure or rejection? Do you feel the new task is too difficult, or you lack the required skill set? Is it a few steps too far out of your comfort zone? Are you concerned that others will point their fingers of judgment at your efforts?

If you answered yes to any of these responses, then shame on you. You’re justifying your fear with yet another Pyramid of Failure. They are not answers; they are excuses. There is only one correct response: you simply lack the confidence. You are accepting defeat and confirming the false belief that you are not good enough and reinforcing your negative self-defeating behaviours. When you lack self-confidence you allow fear to dominate your life and you miss out on many opportunities.

Fear feeds on itself, preventing you from completing many tasks. You begin to avoid situations where you will be forced to confront your fear, and experience a deceptive sense of relief. Sometimes new fears begin to emerge creating new restrictions and new situations to avoid. These behaviours further weaken your confidence, and strengthen your feelings of emptiness and regret. Accepting defeat without trying is one of the worst types of failure.

Don’t waste your energy giving strength to fear; focus it on rebuilding your self confidence and by trying things you have never tried before. It is always a challenge to do new things in life and just the act of accepting these challenges increases your conviction and lays the groundwork for renewed confidence and courage. Don't let fear stop you from enjoying life. Set a course to learn why you are afraid, and commit to learning the root cause of your fright so you can challenge and overcome it.

How to conquer fear before it conquers you:

1. Acknowledge the fear.

2. Recognize that the fear is irrational and poses no danger.

3. Ask yourself what would happen if you complete the task despite the fear.

4. Set a date for completion.

5. Visualize yourself completing the task.

6. On the date set make sure you complete the task.

7. In your journal, write down what you learned from the experience.

8. Read back what you wrote and refer to it often.

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach Toronto, Author & Speaker

Conquering Fear

A Prisoner of Mind

Every day brings a new story and everyday is the end of a story. Breaking news from the world we live in: Mother Nature unleashes her fury on one nation. Global recession recovering, construction is climbing; Home one day and gone in the next. Uprisings and revolutions - Peace and war.

From one day to the next seasons change. Today there is snow tomorrow rain, a sign of an ending season. Trees blossom and flowers bloom changing the landscape from cold and grey to warm green and blue.

No one-day will ever be the same. From birth to 1 to adolescent years, young adulthood to the present time you learn and grow never knowing what tomorrow will bring. Guided by wisdom and experience much of life is an experience creating illusions of what will be or perhaps for a few, reality.

Stuck in a world that is forever changing too afraid of letting go for fear of what you don’t know. Look back; look at where you’ve come from now realize you couldn’t possibly have known – No, not until you were ready to know. Now move forward confidently liberating your mind to free.

Bruno LoGreco, life coach toronto, author & motivational speaker

A Prisoner of Mind

Stuck inside a box

Are you stuck inside a box, too afraid of trying something different - Afraid of being judged or perhaps failing and not living up to "someone's" expectations?

Break down the box! Take a chance and try something new and different. If you stay in your current box for much longer you will eventually create another box and that box is a very lonely and depressing one and will consume your thoughts.

The reality is when you become afraid to leave the comfort of your box you are actually giving up your control. Whoever or whatever created those self-defeating false beliefs is what is keeping you stuck inside the box, and still has power over you.

New experiences are the key, which unlock doors leading to self-identity. It's actually part of our natural psychosocial developmental process. What happens when we fail to continue to develop and stop the natural process? We create internal conflict - that’s what happens. Internal conflict is the foundation to the second box - a state of mind deep in thought, reliving almost every negative past experience. That's torturous for the soul because it experiences the emotions all over again as if the experience were happening at this moment.

The mind cannot discern real from fiction. Stimulus is stimulus and the mind has no way of knowing the difference. Imagine reliving all those negative past experiences all day long with nothing else for the mind to see. Yes, physically you are here but mentally and emotionally you are in a state of dualism far away from reality.

By taking chances and by creating new experiences you allow the mind to continue the natural process of development, which by the way never ends. In each developmental stage you must meet the criteria or you might have difficulties fulfilling the criteria for the next stage. By giving up control and fearing new experiences it stops you from learning what you need so you could be successful in life. Long-term avoidance of this natural need will deepen your internal conflict and stump you from achieving true success.

Challenge your beliefs, take back control and break down the box. Those are the benefits you get from living life full of experiences.

Free yourself from dualism. Enjoy the moment! You have nothing to lose except for the box...

Bruno LoGreco master life coach toronto, author & motivational speaker

Stuck inside a box

Who cares? People will judge you anyhow

You guys have been great and I appreciate everyone who stops by and takes a moment to read this blog. I know that some of you have been following me since I started down this journey back in 2006, when my writing skills were horrid, but you didn’t care. You were interested in the message rather than my writing skills. I am grateful you stuck with me and continued to come back to read more.

Even though I knew my writing skills were piss poor it did not stop me from writing weblogs, articles, e-books, books and more. I didn’t care how poor my skills were I wanted to share my ideas with you and the only way I could do that is by writing it, or I could have paid someone to write it for me. I’m not sure that would have been feasible as the new life coach on the block.
At first I was apprehensive. I was nervous about publishing my thoughts for the world to read because similar to you I was also afraid of being judged. But I knew the only way I would become successful as a life coach and author, and to get to that place I dreamed of, I would need to put it all out there. All of it for everyone to read and to be judged by. So I had to take a decision. Put it all out there for everyone to read, or regret it later when I think back to what I could have been.

Okay, so I’m still not the greatest writer and forget about grammar, but I really don’t care. I’m still learning to write and because it’s not a natural strength of mine I might be learning to write for the rest of my life, and that’s okay too. That’s what editors are for. My weakness is their strength. How perfect!

If you have a dream, something you always wanted for yourself but are too afraid to go after it because of what people might say and think, I have news for you. People will say and think exactly what you believe they will because that’s just the way negative people think. And there are lots of them in this world. Ask yourself, Do these people contribute to my growth? If you answered NO, then who cares – Put it all out there.

You should also know that the only people who will judge you are those who are insecure themselves. For example, the only people who ever judged me for my poor writing skills were those who were insecure themselves about their own skills. What’s funny is their still vacillating about their skills doing the same thing they were 4 years ago while I’ve moved on and had the opportunity to work on 2 television shows, one of which is a hit series syndicated in 42 countries, a national spokesperson and in development of a docu-series.

“When we allow ourselves to become vulnerable, to take chances, and to risk our pride, that is when we find our own glory.” ~Richard Corman

Bruno LoGreco life coach toronto, author and motivational speaker

Who cares? People will judge you anyhow

Our passions are hidden amongst untraveled terrain

A challenge developed to help my clients reinforce core values, was a challenge that in the end strengthened my own belief about the significance of traveling foreign terrain... Read More

Our passions are hidden amongst untraveled terrain

Overcoming Fear with Life Coach Bruno LoGreco

Bruno LoGreco, toronto life coach & mentor

Overcoming Fear with Life Coach Bruno LoGreco

I Did It - I Overcame My Fear of Heights

I did it. I climbed a 4-story wall. It was nerving to say the least but I successfully climbed all the way to the top without chickening-out. YIPEEE!

About a month ago Ivana our Teen Coach & Research Director, and me, took belaying lessons. We hired an instructor to teach us how to put on a harness, tie knots and figure 8’s, and everything else we must know to keep everyone safe. After learning the safety rules of rock climbing it was time to climb. The first wall we climbed wasn’t all that high – 12 feet at best. It wasn’t difficult. But then we moved over to a very tall wall, 4-stories high. I climbed half way to the top when suddenly I began to sweat. And not just ordinary common sweat – I sweat profusely. There was no way I was climbing to the top – not that day. So I asked to be lowered back down to the ground.

One month later and after a few self-coaching techniques designed to help me overcome my fear of heights I was back on that very same wall. Half way up the wall and again I wanted to climb back down to safety.“NO”, I said to myself, “you’re a life coach, you can do it.” I stopped and gathered my thoughts and asked myself, “What would you tell your clients to do if they wanted to come back down?” I’d say, “take one step at a time. Don’t look up and don’t look down. Keep your eyes glued in front of you. You can do it.” So I mustered all the courage I could find and took my own advice. One step at a time I finally climbed all theway to the top of the wall. I DID IT!!

Every single person successfully climbed the wall yesterday without a problem. Some of my clients climbed multiple times and went on to climb even more challenging walls. As for myself, I climbed the wall a total of 7 times by the time the day was over. And with each climb it did get easier and easier just like anything else in life, which is difficult at first. A little bit of experience and practice makes everything easy.

What are you afraid of that you would like to overcome?

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Bruno LoGreco, Toronto Life Coach, Author & Keynote Speaker

I Did It - I Overcame My Fear of Heights

"I am not good enough"

Giving up on tasks, which seem difficult and that pose a potential failure, will only develop a false sense of self while reinforcing negative, self-defeating behaviors. It is these behaviors, which are at the root of most perceived failures and regret in life.

Ask yourself, Why did I give up? Did I find the task too difficult, was it out of my comfort zone, maybe I lacked the skill set to achieve it successfully. What did I tell myself so it would be okay to give-up?

When you give-up on tasks regardless of the reason, what you are doing is accepting defeat and confirming the underlying belief, “I am not good enough.” This false sense of self, albeit untrue, will limit the amount of success you will achieve in life.

But nobody wants to feel inadequate so there will be a need to prove to yourself and to others that you are "good enough", and you do that by over compensating and doing more of what’s within your comfort zone almost all the time, reproducing a similar outcome every time. To make matters worse, over compensating in hopes of feeling like you are “good enough” only leads to further frustration and disappointment because the proof that you’re seeking from others seldom arrives, leaving you forever feeling inadequate – simply “not good enough.”

What’s worse is that you don’t know what “good enough” even looks like. How can someone get something if they don’t know what it looks like? The bar you’re striving for is impossible to achieve because it is illusionary – it’s nonexistent. So it is an imaginary bar that’s then used to determine your capabilities - what you can and cannot accomplish, what you are and are not qualified to do, and whether or not you have the necessary skill set to try something new (which in itself represents change, uncertainty and the potential for failure).

Unfortunately, it is this kind of mindset, which misses out on many opportunities. It is also this mindset that will have many regrets throughout life, especially for the things that you wish you had done.

Accepting defeat without trying is failing. So stop wasting your time seeking what you will never get from others and use that energy on tasks you will wish you had.

Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Author & Television Personality

"I am not good enough"

The Physical Symptoms of Anxiety and Stress

Physical symptoms of anxiety and stress are enough to knock anyone out. Do something about it before you are out for the count.

Anxiety isn't something anyone enjoys. And in some cases it is debilitating. Reduce if not eliminate anxiety when you apply these techniques into your everyday routine.

Fears, phobias, false beliefs, and procrastination, these are just a few of the culprits, which cause anxiety. The trick to reducing if not eliminating anxiety is by identifying the root cause and changing the belief surrounding it. In many cases anxiety is caused by thoughts and can be treated without medication and with effective life coaching.

Phobia is an overwhelming feeling of anxiety caused by a fear of a certain situation or thing. It could be activities, animals, social settings, or a confined space. The symptoms are excessive and an unreasonable effort to avoid the situation. Phobias disrupt daily life.

To overcome phobias one must determine the false belief associated to it. E.g., The Bridge will collapse if I cross it therefore it is unsafe. The image in the mind is very vivid and real. The mind cannot distinguish reality from fiction and when it sees the image - survival is a human instinct so it warns the body of the looming danger – it reacts with anxiety, which is a natural human response. The trick is to replace the negative image with a positive one.

False Beliefs can also be agreements one has with self about his or her capabilities. The belief has the power to build and destroy self-confidence. Low self-confidence can lead to avoiding experiences for fear of failure. The idea of trying something that poses failure creates an extraordinary amount of stress. It opens the sweat glands and a whirlwind of excuses.

But these are the lessons, which are invaluable, and needed throughout life. It doesn’t matter if the outcome is a positive one or a negative one because in the end the lessons learned from the experience outweigh any experience, which doesn’t require much thought at all. A positive affirmation to counter any false belief will help to reduce stress.

Procrastination is putting off or postponing something until sometime in the future. It is a way to not have to deal with the outcome to a particular situation because the image in the mind is a negative one. So the natural human response is to jolt the body with anxiety warning it of the looming danger.

It is another false belief represented by an image in the mind. The truth to the situation is on the other side. Change the image in the mind and deal with whatever is being avoided, now. Habitual procrastination will turn into guilt.


Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Toronto Mentor & Motivational Speaker

The Physical Symptoms of Anxiety and Stress

Past Experiences - The Hiccup To Your Future

Are you one of those people who hang onto past experiences and let it define who you are? Did you know that when you hang on to the past you let it determine your future? You may believe you will never experience it again because you have learnt from it, but what you are really doing when you relive the past is put all the pieces in place to repeat history.

An experience gone badly that you rewind and play again and again in your mind is reliving the experience, emotions and all. Every time you replay what happened and wish you could have done it differently, your imagination runs wild and will try to create different outcomes. Each outcome you imagine, although not real, will send a jolt of emotions throughout your body. You will believe it is real, because the emotions are real.

The process of rethinking negative experiences and creating a number of different outcomes will only condition your brain into believing what is not true. Unfortunately, your brain does not know the difference between true and untrue it only knows what you tell it to believe. When you experience a jolt of emotions because your imagination ran wild, you essentially condition your brain into believing the experience is true.

Thinking in this way will have the following consequences to your future:

1. When the environment becomes familiar and you recognize similar feelings, you will approach it with caution if you approach it at all. If you do approach it you will try to minimize the impact by controlling the situation, and if you don’t approach it for fear of repeating history, you miss out on a potential opportunity.

2. You fool yourself into believing what is not really happening. You draw upon your past experiences, including the untrue ones, as you try to avoid repeating history. You will be adamant that something is happening that in reality is not really happening and you risk losing what you do have. You self sabotage for fear of history repeating itself.

In both cases you miss out on the real opportunity and history is repeating itself and will continue until you break the cycle.

You learn from past experiences you don’t take it with you into the future. You learn why you got burnt: I allowed someone to take advantage of me because I craved his or her attention. You learn why you are afraid: I was unprepared for the event so the feedback was negative.

The problem is never them, you’re the problem. History will repeat itself until you learn from your past rather than taking it with you. Flip the experience upside down and look at yourself. Ask yourself, “Why did I allow that to happen?” If you start by saying he or she and are looking for someone to blame other than yourself, start over again.

Bruno LoGreco Life Coach, Mentor, Motivational Speaker, TV Personality

Past Experiences - The Hiccup To Your Future

Face Your Fear: The Road To Confidence

When was the last time you tried something new? Something you feared or perhaps something that made you nervous? Last year, April of 2008, I was asked to speak and motivate approximately 800 students. - it was the peace by peace festival. That was my very first public speaking engagement. How exciting, or should I say, how nerve wrecking. I arrived at the venue a few hours before I was scheduled to speak so I could get a feel for the environment and to meet some of the students.

The moment of truth finally arrived after lunch. "Here to motivate you today is Bruno LoGreco. Bruno is a Life Coach and his job is to motivate people." I start my walk towards the stage, my nerves took over and I started to shake. I shook like a leaf in front of 800 students and teachers from across Toronto.

"I have a secret I want to share with you, do you want to know what my secret is?” All I heard was “YES”. I start off by saying, “I'm really nervous right now, but I know if I tell you the truth about how I feel my nerves will go away - See, I feel better already." I told 800 students and teachers the truth about how I felt that day.

Larry King, host of Larry King Live on CNN published his memoir recently. Larry is on his book tour giving interviews about his career. Did you know Larry King has interviewed over 40,000 people throughout his career? Wow! Anyhow, during his interview on the morning show yesterday, a reporter asked Larry King how he got his first break as a journalist and if he was nervous. Larry told a story about the first time he went on the air and how nervous he was. Larry told the reporter, on his first day as a radio announcer nothing came out of his mouth. He switch his MIC on and Off before his boss stormed into the studio and told him radio is about communication and he better start communicating. So Larry King went on the air and said, "Hi my name is Larry King, I'm new to radio and I'm nervous, please bare with me."

You are probably afraid to try new things for fear of failure, rejection, or you just simply do not have the confidence to try something new. Ask yourself, what am I afraid of? Now take your answer and challenge what you believe by exposing your fear to others. If you try this you will learn what you believe - your fear, is not true and you will slowly begin to build the confidence you need to try new things.

Don't let your fear stop you from enjoying life and living your dream. Nobody will be perfect from the start, not me, not Larry King, nobody. Face your fear and learn from it, because with mistakes come learning lessons, which build confidence.

Learn How To Build Confidence And You Will Start Living Your Dream. 

Face Your Fear: The Road To Confidence

Fear

Fear is not something I subscribe to. Anytime I experience fear in my daily life I set course to learn why I'm afraid, but more importantly I want to learn the root cause and destroy it by determining the false belief that has me believing something that is not true. When I analyze what I believe to determine the false belief, I challenge what I believe with facts. Any thoughts that are untrue or cannot be substantiated with factual information become false beliefs. When I no longer believe something that is not true, I no longer put my faith into whatever I am afraid of. When I no longer believe something that is not true, I no longer experience fear.

Judgement is a contributor of fear. Fear for what people will think and say, fear for not doing it right and fear for being yourself. When fear dominates a persons life it stops them dead in their tracks from achieving and attempting tasks. When someone lacks self-confidence coupled with fear for judgement, it creates an illusion that is a projection of what they fear and prevents them from attempting and achieving day-to-day tasks.

Sometimes analyzing fear and untying false beliefs is not enough, and more often then not attempting to execute a task works quicker and and is more effective than analyzing fear alone.

1. Are you tired of being controlled by fear? 
   
2. What are you afraid of?
   
3. Is your fear a false belief? 
   
4. What do you think you need to do to get over your fear? 
   

NOW GO DO IT... 

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach & Mentor 

Fear

Challenge What You Believe

I’m at the end of my 2008 Christmas vacation. I fly home Monday morning with new goals and aspirations for 2009. When I land in Toronto Monday, I will arrive to a full schedule: New life coaching clients, and a new thriving business, that I started with less than $100 dollars. A few weeks ago I posted a challenge – Make Monday With No Money. I’m of the mindset that you practice what you preach, so I entered the challenge myself.

During my radio appearance on CFRB, I spoke about starting a business with no money and using barter as a means to exchange for services. Websites like craigslist.com and others allow you to post free ads. I put my words to the challenge and posted a few ads on craigslist.com for different kind of service providers. It wasn’t long before my inbox started to accumulate resumes. After a few telephone calls and two reference checks, I now have consultants sitting on the sideline waiting for my instructions.

The economy is grim and a lot of people are looking for work to make ends meet, all it takes is a great deal to hire a commission based sales person to generate leads and sales. And that’s exactly what I did. I contracted a commission based sales person to generate leads and to close sales for the new company. Of course there is the promise of a full time opportunity when the company becomes successful – That is only fair. And lastly I reviewed the pool of talent that is immediately available to me thanks to Linkedin.com.

So in less than thirty-days (30) since I started the challenge – Make Money With No Money, I have a full fledge business with consultants, paying clients, revenue exceeding four digits and enough closed business to see five-digit revenue for the month of January. I was able to make this all happen for less than $100 dollars.

Fear is what will keep you right where you are, stuck in your little box somewhere on your life journey. In 2009 make it a point to ditch all your false beliefs and stop listening to what you hear. Challenge what you believe and put it to the test – don’t make another persons knowledge one of your core beliefs – test what you believe for validity and you will unlock the door to your little box.

Best Wishes, Success, and Prosperity for 2009

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach and Mentor

Challenge What You Believe

Pain Caused By Fear - Anxiety Attach

I feel mortified. They say we are our own worst critics. I believe that we are our own worst critics. I won’t deny that I am crucifying myself right now. My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute, the same way it beat last April, when I spoke at the peace-by-peace festival. That was my first public speaking appearance and it was for 800 students. They do say: Go Big or Go Home – So I go BIG!! ☺

Oh yeah! Style By Jury - Was I nervous the first time? I think I was a little nervous, but not to the extent where I couldn’t work. Do I believe I might have spoken fast like I did on the radio? Sure - I think I did.

You know! The funny thing is someone once told me that I write the way I speak. Oddly enough I never really heard, or should I say, aware of what I am saying. I mean - I’m aware of what I am saying but I am not aware of how it sounds. I don’t think I ever gave thought to how I might sound. I sometimes become aware of when I speak fast, so I slow down. But even when I slow down I am not thinking about how it sounds - only that I’m speaking fast.

I gained a lot from my experience at the peace-by-peace festival. I also gained a wealth of experience with each episode of Style by Jury and Save Us From Our House. But today I will walk away with the granddaddy of all prizes, a huge learning lesson that will help me as I move forward in my journey. But, the prize also came at a cost – the biggest anxiety attach I experienced since my last one when bridges were an issue.

Clients sometimes ask me if I’m ever in my head. I always give them the same answer each time. “No, I have no reason to be in my head.” I never did want to hear what I sound like on the radio, nor did I ever want to see what I look like on TV. But after listening to what I sound like on the radio, I know now what that person meant when they said, “I speak the way I write”. So yes, I am in my head tonight – Just a little bit.

During my brief, intense anxiety attack earlier, I said, “I’m never doing that again,” But I know that comment is not true - I welcome another time so I could implement what I learned today and what I will learn tomorrow no matter how sever the anxiety attach will be.

Sometimes what we need to learn about ourselves will come at a cost – the price is fear that causes pain - anxiety, but in the end its worth it – any amount of pain caused by fear is worth experiencing if the end result yields a positive learning experience.

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach & Mentor

Pain Caused By Fear - Anxiety Attach

Human Emotions & A Volcanic Eruption

Thank God It’s Friday! What a week it was – from the time I awoke early Monday morning to catch my flight back to Toronto, I worked non-stop up until late last night tending to clients plus cropping and loading new images for the much anticipated launch of hero+destiny - an online pet company that has been in the works for a better part of two years. Suffice to say I feel the candle burning from both ends.

Awareness coaching is about automatic behaviors, recognizing triggers and identifying the root cause, which evoke reactions. It is also about feeling emotions and allowing space within the soul to go through the process of feeling. Often time emotions are bottled-up for many reasons: fear, judgment, suppression, etc. And when emotions are constantly bottled rather than experienced, one begins to build a resistance towards their own feelings.

Volcanoes are similar to humans who make the decision to suppress their emotions – how they feel. These are individuals who have suppressed their true feelings, or believe they are strong and that emotions are for kids, or that men don’t cry. I am not suggesting only men think this way because females do to. These are the one’s who have an imminent explosion brewing inside, deep in the core of their soul similar to a volcanic eruption.

For these individuals, at any moment given the right condition and environment within the world around them, an uncontrollable explosion will occur. A volcano releasing its gases, exploding in every direction, suffocating those who breathe the ashes from the erupting volcano, and burning anyone in the way of the burning lava.

This past week I experienced an uncontrollable urge to experience my own emotions, but I was unable to allow myself the space I required to feel the emotions because I had no time for myself to feel what I was feeling. I allowed myself to bottle my emotions and put the well being of others ahead of my own. This is a recipe for disaster. Fortunately, I am lucky to realize what I have done this past week and today, Friday, is ‘me’ day and I will deal with my emotions and do what is necessary for myself to ensure I do not erupt like a volcano.

Enjoy Your Weekend - Try to find a little ‘me’ time to allow yourself to feel human, to experience your emotions, in which ever way that may be.

Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach and Mentor

Human Emotions & A Volcanic Eruption

The Search For Love or The Need To Be Loved

Human beings: Mysterious, intellectual, adventurous and emotional, white, black, brown, leaders, and followers, happy, joyful, stressed or relaxed – these are just a few characteristics that make human beings human. Although each one of us was raised in a different environment, no matter what nationality, culture, or race, we all share one fundamental need, and that is love.

Love is the single most needed emotion everybody everywhere in the world longs for. People search for love in partners, in spouses, and in family. Often time the search for love is mistaken for a need to be loved. Unfortunately when the basic emotional need of a child is neglected, the child is left feeling abandoned resulting in an ongoing and long-term search for love in adulthood that is often mistaken for the need to be loved.

The need to be loved is described by loneliness, misunderstood, and unworthy; Nobody to hold and to tell them “I love you and that all will be well” – Nobody to validate how they feel, but many will defend their feelings. How could that be, how could another person defend another persons feeling? Is it any wonder they feel unworthy – When will it be their turn?

The search for the love or the need to be loved

The effects from the need to be loved are profound and reek havoc ranging from sever panic attacks to anxiety for the fear that they will never be loved. Some will develop an inability to trust anyone. They fear that the people closest to them will not be there for them when they need them most. Relationships become battlegrounds fighting to secure the love they finally deserve.

Love is a fundamental need in every human being. In the absence of love human beings are left feeling unsettled, incomplete and continue the search to fill the void within their soul.

Cycling through unhealthy relationships does not heal abandonment nor fulfill your need to be loved. The only true way to do so is to start the healing process. The feeling of abandonment needs to be confronted and dealt with directly. This is the only path to true happiness. Only when you are ready to accept what is and deal with the imprisoned emotions will you begin to understand the difference between love and the need to be loved.

The Search For Love or The Need To Be Loved

Safe Inside My Box

Image living in a 20x20 box. The box is divided into three smaller sections – A bedroom, kitchen, and a living room with a small couch facing the only door leading to civilization and to the promise land. The box is dark, lonely, and quiet. There is nothing to inspire or to motivate you – there is only you and your thoughts.

On the other side of the door is promise land, or so you have been told. But, when you attempt to learn what is on the other side of the door you are greeted by noise, congestion, and what appears to be judgmental people everywhere you look. The vision of what you want to see occupies your thoughts engulfing your soul with anxiety and fear. You immediately retreat and close the door to your box.

You see! It’s not so bad in here after all. Yes it is quiet and yes it is lonely, but I don’t have to deal with whatever is out there. It’s loud, noisy, and extremely busy for my liking. How can that be the promise land? I think I will stay right here - safe in my little box.

Not long after you retreated into your little box you begin to experience loneliness and a desire to move on to bigger and better things again. You are growing tired and lonely from being the only person living  in your little box. You are ready to move on, but the only problem is you have to face whatever is on the other side of the door.

It can’t be that bad – they say it’s the promise land and I can do anything I choose if I could just walk out the door and figure it out for myself.

You approach the door with caution. You open the door slowly as you stare up and down the street to gauge what is going on in promise land. The noise is just as loud as the last time if not louder. There is traffic everywhere, and the people standing on the street turn towards you staring you down like you are some creature or something. 

No thanks – I feel safe right here. There is no such thing as promise land. This is my promise land right here in my little box. I feel safest in my little box and nobody could tell me otherwise. Promise land my ass…

Just outside the box about 100 meters to the left and around the corner sits the most incredible view of the promise land. It is filled with peace, love and JOY. The scenery is picturesque – something out of a movie. But… for the poor person stuck inside the box, they might never learn the truth. They have chosen to sit with their own thoughts of what isn’t, and the only emotion they could feel is loneliness. BUT... What they may or may not know is depression will soon be knocking at the door requesting a friendship. 

Are you living inside of a box? 

Master Life Coach Toronto Mentor Bruno LoGreco

Safe Inside My Box

I Can't or I Won't Do It?

How do you know you can't do it?

Are you afraid of trying something because you feel like you will fail? Is it because when you challenge yourself to complete a task you feel as if you are going to mess up-- like you are not good enough and as a result you don't bother trying all together.

When was the last time you overcame your fear and challenged yourself to perform at your highest level? If you have never challenged your yourself, how do you really know you can't do it?

The next time you give in to your fear and experience anxiety about completing a task - ask yourself, what am I doing to my future abilities to take on challenges?

When you give in to your fears and experience anxiety about trying something right NOW, you also are questioning your abilities to deal with and achieve challenges for the future.

So the next time you decide to say, "I can't do it" consider rephrasing your statement to, "I won't do it."

Master Life Coach, Toronto native Bruno LoGreco

I Can't or I Won't Do It?

Risk

Risk