Giving up on tasks, which seem difficult and that pose a potential failure, will only develop a false sense of self while reinforcing negative, self-defeating behaviors. It is these behaviors, which are at the root of most perceived failures and regret in life.
Ask yourself, Why did I give up? Did I find the task too difficult, was it out of my comfort zone, maybe I lacked the skill set to achieve it successfully. What did I tell myself so it would be okay to give-up?
When you give-up on tasks regardless of the reason, what you are doing is accepting defeat and confirming the underlying belief, “I am not good enough.” This false sense of self, albeit untrue, will limit the amount of success you will achieve in life.
But nobody wants to feel inadequate so there will be a need to prove to yourself and to others that you are "good enough", and you do that by over compensating and doing more of what’s within your comfort zone almost all the time, reproducing a similar outcome every time. To make matters worse, over compensating in hopes of feeling like you are “good enough” only leads to further frustration and disappointment because the proof that you’re seeking from others seldom arrives, leaving you forever feeling inadequate – simply “not good enough.”
What’s worse is that you don’t know what “good enough” even looks like. How can someone get something if they don’t know what it looks like? The bar you’re striving for is impossible to achieve because it is illusionary – it’s nonexistent. So it is an imaginary bar that’s then used to determine your capabilities - what you can and cannot accomplish, what you are and are not qualified to do, and whether or not you have the necessary skill set to try something new (which in itself represents change, uncertainty and the potential for failure).
Unfortunately, it is this kind of mindset, which misses out on many opportunities. It is also this mindset that will have many regrets throughout life, especially for the things that you wish you had done.
What’s worse is that you don’t know what “good enough” even looks like. How can someone get something if they don’t know what it looks like? The bar you’re striving for is impossible to achieve because it is illusionary – it’s nonexistent. So it is an imaginary bar that’s then used to determine your capabilities - what you can and cannot accomplish, what you are and are not qualified to do, and whether or not you have the necessary skill set to try something new (which in itself represents change, uncertainty and the potential for failure).
Unfortunately, it is this kind of mindset, which misses out on many opportunities. It is also this mindset that will have many regrets throughout life, especially for the things that you wish you had done.
Accepting defeat without trying is failing. So stop wasting your time seeking what you will never get from others and use that energy on tasks you will wish you had.
Bruno LoGreco Professional Life Coach, Author & Television Personality
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