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    Tuesday, October 21, 2008

    Validation

    Early Tuesday morning, just after five o’clock. People often ask me what I do with my time at this early hour, especially when I do not work for anybody but myself. I tell them I write, I think, and plan my day. At this early hour, the silence that hovers around me allows me to think clearly with no distractions, it feels as if I am meditating.

    There is so much hurt, anger, and confusion in this world. People are confused about who they are, why they feel the way they do, angry with those around them for not meeting nor exceeding their expectations, emotions fueled by disappointment.

    For those whom seek external validation to boost their ego and sense of self-worth, for the battered wife that believes she must stay with the man she married till death do us part, for the little girl that cries for help but cannot be heard – It is a confusing and disappointing life.

    External validation only fuels your ego momentarily. External validation received from another person only boosts the ego for a few seconds. While the validation feels good for a moment, what is really happening is you are sending a message to your brain that says, “External Validation is what I need to feel validated,” so the mind, body and soul continue to seek external validation to fulfill your needs. Thus leading to constant disappointment.

    The false belief married couples have – Till Death Do Us Part. When one partner is not open and honest and committed to the marriage, creating scenarios that threaten to destroy the marriage. Guilt takes over – I am old fashion and I must remain in the marriage because his needs are far more important than mine.

    The little girl who cannot speak – pretending to be someone she is not for the fear of rejection. A veil masks her true identity, protecting the girl inside from hurt, from the pain - this is who I think I need to be – She will give me the strength and confidence to persevere - what they do not see will not hurt.

    Life is confusing, but only as confusing as you wish to make it.

    I received two “Superior Scribble” award yesterday. Thank you to Sue and So Grateful To Be a Mormon for the award. I am honored to have received the awards, but know I will not be participating per the rules.

    Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coaching & Mentor
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    6 comments:

    Suebs said...

    Parts of this post look eerily familiar to me. hehe.

    Great post this morning. :-)

    bart said...

    i can understand the early morning thing bruno, i do the same but not always with the amount of clarity i need at times, i just savour the silence and clear my mind as much as possible before the noise and confusion of the day begins...

    needing external validation is essentially the same as addiction in a way, you keep on needing to score and as time goes by you end up needing more and more to get the same kick because the amounts you needed beforehand are never enough...

    i'm glad you wrote this, it echoes a lot of what's going on in my life at the moment... keep well

    sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

    Hi Bruno,
    Thanks about the award. I hesitated to pass it on to you because I didn't think you needed the validation, but I did it for two reasons. So much of what you write gets to me and I was hoping to point some others to your insight as well if they wanted to follow another link. Thanks for what you share here. I took your advice about my teen daughter and we have been doing better overall. I told myself and her that I did not want to resort to yelling anymore and I haven't been at all. I have been approaching her with a more loving and kind manner. She has responded very well so far. The other day she yelled at me about something and instead of reacting to her and yelling, I told her to stop yelling, I'm not yelling, you come back to me when you are ready to talk in a good voice. Something like that. And she came back later, and was better behaved. And she hasn't yelled since then. Overall we are both trying to do something better I think. So, thanks for pointing out what you did to me. I took it to heart. I appreciate what you share here, Kathleen

    Bruno LoGreco said...

    Grazie Amiga!!

    Great comparison bart! That is exactly how validation/ego operates - the more you get the more you want.

    I'm glad you enjoy this blog SGTBM and that you were able to come to terms with your daughter. Parenting is not an easy job, but it is what you signed up for when you decided to have children. Clearly leading by example is working for you. Keep at it.. Thank you for the award and for dropping by.

    baribabe said...

    Thank-you !

    Mona said...

    your post touched me very deeply...i was that little girl who has lost herself in order to try to be someone that i think others want me to be...yep...she is still here inside of me but much more at peace now because she knows she is loved, by me (:

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    Ten Powerful Self-Coaching Tips

    By Bruno LoGreco

    Are you living the life of creativity and happiness that you've always dreamed of, or are you allowing your fears or other outside factors to influence you?

    Following the path that your heart's desires requires courage and might require a shift in attitude. There are several methods you can use to act as your own life coach and start working toward the life you dream of.

    Ideas for self-improvement

    You don't need to change every aspect of your life at once in order to improve your attitude and outlook on life. Self-improvement can feel daunting if you try to change everything at once.

    A good way to embark on your journey of self-coaching is to make one change and see what kind of impact it has upon your life. The following tips are designed to help you improve your life and become your own life coach. Try out one of the following tips at a time to positively impact your attitude and daily life.

    1. Find some ‘you' time. Everyone needs time alone to meditate and recharge. You may think you don't have extra time in your day. Start with 10-20 minutes to use for meditation or silent reflection.

    2. Ask yourself what you truly want in life. Are you living your life according to your true dreams and desires? You may be unaware of your desires that lie hidden beneath your surface needs and wants, so take the time to find out.

    3. Write everything down. Even if your thought seems silly, write it down! You may be surprised by the inspiration and ideas you can come up with.

    4. Journal daily, but with a twist. Instead of just writing about today, try writing about yesterday.

    5. Keep track of the "happy moments." Each day has potential for many small moments that bring joy and happiness. If you don't make a special note of them, you may not even recognize the small joys in your day.

    6. Choose one task each night to complete the next day. This way, you have focus, and you accomplish at least one task. Tasking and taxing yourself with effort is important in reaching goals.

    7. Smile when you wake up. Smiling is contagious. By smiling you improve your mood and can potentially improve someone else's day as well.

    8. Give thanks each night. Gratitude will improve your outlook on life and help you see all the good and wonderful moments of your day.

    9. Try something new. A new experience fuels creativity and your enjoyment of the day.

    10. Create at least one memorable moment each day. Make each day unforgettable, even if in a small way!

    Taking the next step with a life coach

    Self-coaching tips are great ideas for helping you improve your life. However, you can take your life to the next level with a life coach and mentor. A professional life coach can help you set goals and help you move forward with your dreams. If you're looking for the right path toward happiness, a life coach can help you discover the path your heart truly desires.

    Want to learn more about self-improvement? Bruno LoGreco is a Life Coach Toronto and mentor. Visit BrunoLoGreco.com and find out how to unleash your potential for success and happiness.

    The Success Indicators on Your Life Path

    Many people seek out a particular goal in their life path and are content when they achieve it. The chance to broaden their horizons or learn new things within an existent structure is not as appealing to them as it is to some others. This is an issue that arises in many individuals because they mistakenly think they have achieved what they wanted to in their lives. The plethora of environmental noise around them begins to infringe upon their goals and forces them to lose sight of what they truly wanted.

    A good way to think of this problem is to envision a large square box. This is not just any box though. Rather, in this case, your box has been divided into three separate, but equally shaped rectangular boxes, all stacked on top of one another. Each of these rectangular boxes is a highly important expression of your life goals -- individual levels of success. Within each of these levels of success is an indicator that tells you how close you are to becoming successful in this area of your life.

    Every area of your life that you identify as a potential path for success can be further divided, containing the many different events and obstacles you will encounter as you strive to reach your goals. Think of each sector of your life as being divided even further, with three new sections within one of the three stacked boxes (sectors). Within each stacked box are three separate sections, divided by dotted lines that make up the life path you will follow. These dotted lines are not the same as the solid lines dividing the sectors -- they are a path that you have envisioned since childhood -- a series of goals and pathways to success that you want to follow.

    As young people, these life paths may not be fully formed. Or they might be crystal clear in our minds--long, straight life paths from the early days of college and adult living to the ultimate goal of success that you have always strived for. You can see exactly what you need to do to reach each success indicator and achieve what you have set out to accomplish. And you probably did just this. After all, your goals as a youth were to be successful in the same way that you saw thousands of others live their lives. You wanted to reach your success indicators and experience the measure of success by which you would measure you life for decades to come.

    However, nothing is ever as simple as we envision it during youth. There are countless factors that interfere with your ability to clearly see those success indicators and life paths to success. These factors, or "Environmental Noise," can be detrimental to even the most focused of individuals. Think of what would happen if you dumped the contents of downtown New York into your box and tried to maintain your focus on those goals. Would you even be able to see your life path anymore?

    Everyone must travel their life path with environmental noise inundating them from all sides. It begins to become cloudy. The dotted lines, our life paths, begin to look like the straight lines and the success indicators start to be confused with any number of different distractions.

    And then something will happen and you will realize that you are in fact nowhere near the original success indicators you set for yourself. Everything has changed and yet you are stuck in a way. You are deep within the center of the middle rectangular box and you have no idea which way to go or how to get back on track. The noise only grows louder and you grow dizzy trying to regain your focus.

    It is in this instant that you must clear the noise and return to the basic, almost instinctive mode of thought you experienced as a child. What did you want from life? Where did you want to go? What do you need to get to that point? What was my life path? All of these questions must be asked without the distractions of the world around you muddying up your thought process. When you can revert to a very simple perspective of the world and only spend time thinking of what you want from life, you can be that much more successful.

    You can succeed in life despite the environmental noise, cruising down your life paths and moving through your rectangles with ease, but oftentimes you need a helping hand to clear away the noise and look at life with fresh eyes. There is nothing wrong with asking for help to weed out these distractions and remove the clutter from your life sectors with a professional life coach.

    Is your life path inundated with environmental noise? Learn how you can lift the noise and begin reestablishing your success indicators today. Visit www.brunologreco.com a Life Coach Toronto today.

    Chapters.ca

    Top 10 Benefits to Journaling

    By Bruno Logreco

    There are countless reasons to maintaining a journal. The top ten benefits of journaling may differ from person to person. However, there seems to be general themes that are attractive in the collective unconscious. Many people are looking to daily entries of their personal experiences to reap some of the following rewards.

    Maintaining a journal is a natural way to exercise the brain. People who make regular entries are taking time to develop writing and communication skills that are very valuable in everyday interactions. This mental exercise also helps to allow your thoughts to flow freely.

    Creativity is a second benefit to consider. This is an important aspect of journaling. The right hemisphere of the brain is associated with visual, imaginative and intuitive facets of thought. When you take time to write, you free the right hemisphere. The ideal entry will be one that puts the inner editor on hold. Thoughts and ideas should flow freely and naturally.

    The uninhibited nature of this form of writing serves a third benefit of developing self awareness. People often create different faces to meet various circumstances. We tend to recreate in distinct situations including the work environment, the community and even when at home.

    The process of keeping a journal helps you recognize the various aspects of your unique personality. The growing self awareness is a powerful force that can lead to even greater benefits in the future. Gaining insight into the self is among the most important aspects to maintaining a journal.

    The fourth benefit is the ability to set priorities. Once you get a grasp on the thoughts and emotions that are filtered through your personal experience, you begin to gain control of them. The process eventually leads to a greater understanding of what is and what is not important.

    The ability to re-see the past is another great benefit of keeping a journal. The pages can be revisited with a fresh perspective. It can be very surprising how much your understanding of an event changes over a relatively short period of time. Some writers find great moments of epiphany when rethinking and rereading entries.

    Journaling is a fantastic problem-solving resource. The approach of using entries to come up with various solutions to troubles is a little different than approaches for self awareness and growth. Many people choose temporary brainstorming techniques that serve to give viable solutions to problems.

    The seventh benefit of journaling is variety. You can choose what kind of entries you want to make. Common choices include brainstorming sessions, automatic writing and reflective notes. Personal journal entries can be made upon inspiration, when you first wake or right before you fall asleep. Some choose to do a combination of these.

    Purging is the eighth benefit to this practice. Many people find it helpful to place negative thoughts and feelings down on paper. Once the negative energy is placed on the page, they are free to let it go. This practice also works well when dealing with anger towards another individual. Purge the negativity and work towards a constructive approach.

    The ability to communicate with others is another benefit of keeping a journal. Those who work with life coaches can find a wealth of resources for sessions. Journaling can help you tap into your fears and dreams, helping your coach gain insight through entries that you choose to share.

    The tenth benefit is improvement in your overall health. Journaling reduces stress. It provides time for you to meditate. The process helps to make the positive forces in your life surface and it helps to bring the harmful elements into light. The result of personal journaling is a new perspective on how you can take control of many aspects of your life.

    Want to learn how online journaling can help you reach goals and problem solve? Learn more about life coach Toronto at brunologreco.com and journaling at iijournal.

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