How many times in your life have you been talked to about self-esteem? In school, at work, by your friends, by your family – self-esteem is the panacea that can cure many of life’s problems but when you have issues with your self-esteem all those speeches from those closest to you can serve only to compound the problems you are having and make you feel even more inferior.
The first step, rather than saying ‘I have low self-esteem and need to combat it’ is to truly understand your mindset and what that low self esteem does in your life. Self-esteem is more than a buzzword thrown around by counselors – it is a way of being, of thinking and acting. Self esteem is how you accept, trust, and believe in yourself. When you accept yourself, you learn to live comfortably with your personal strengths and weaknesses regardless and outside of any criticism you receive.
This means first of all that you view yourself independently of how others view you. Instead of worrying about assimilating with a static world view, you value your uniqueness in the world and start respecting yourself in the same way you would anyone around you. There is no reason to treat other people better than you treat yourself and that is the core to building self worth.
You must understand how to trust in your beliefs and behaviors, knowing that your feelings are correct and that when they are consistent enough, you can bring inner peace to your life despite the external noise and judgments that constantly inundate you from all around. You must believe not only that you can succeed but that you deserve to succeed as much as anyone around you. Many people, when they suffer from self-esteem have a misguided belief that they do not deserve to be successful or happy in life. This kind of fallacy is not only unhealthy to your self-esteem, it can throw your mind into chaos and keep you from ever achieving any sense of peace.
Sourcing Low Self-Esteen
First, you must understand where low self-esteem comes from. There are multiple sources, all creating a sense of emptiness that can lead to depression, anxiety, and a lack of control. Instead of searching inside, individuals with low self esteem grasp at external things and voices to fill that void, never actually finding a solution – only finding temporary external validation that can flee at any moment. This type of behavior can also lead to an addictive personality that relies on drugs and alcohol to cloud over that need. Under the influence of these mood altering substances, individuals with low self esteem can more readily accept themselves, but the effect is only temporary until their inhibitions and the truth of their situation comes rushing back.
Depression, hopelessness and stagnation all develop due to low self esteem, killing any vision or dreams an individual may have, making that individual a victim of their environment in a way that is insurmountable when environmental noise reaches a certain point.
Sourcing High Self Esteem
Those with high self-esteem have a completely different outlook on life, feeling good about themselves and about life in general. They find tasks easier and are more resourceful when attempting to complete a task because they know they can succeed, even while stretching outside of their comfort zone. This willingness to think outside the box makes these individuals more creative, more powerful, and more capable of making life choices while accepting the challenges that lie just around the corner. They are calmer inside and yet more confident that they can make changes in their lives and succeed in doing so.
Self Esteem is the quintessential starting point for any form of success in life. Those with high self esteem and a positive self image are able to realize their potential and live their dreams out in a way that they never could have before. They more readily find balance in their life throughout all five pillars and ultimately synchronization with the universe and harmony in their mind, body, and soul.
Master Life Coach, Toronto based Bruno LoGreco
6 comments:
I want to throw this out there, not as an attack of any kind or to be antagonistic (because really, I think this is a very good article!), but for discussion:
But when you say "Many people, when they suffer from self-esteem have a misguided belief that they do not deserve to be successful or happy in life. This kind of fallacy is not only unhealthy to your self-esteem, it can throw your mind into chaos and keep you from ever achieving any sense of peace."
What if one of your beliefs is that none of us really DO deserve "success" or "happiness." A truth which can cause an illusion of a lack of self-esteem, but is really just a "reality" that makes coping with one's current circumstances more difficult (thus potentially leading to depression or a withdrawl from social situations).
The pursuit of happiness and this "sense of peace," to said person may be perceived as damaging, which ultimately may get mis-interpretted as this person having a self-esteem issue, when that's really not the case at all.
I am wondering if despression and low self-esteem have become a quick and easy diagnoses, for what may be a far more complex and far-reaching issue within some people's heads.
I'm not a doctor, nor a psychologist - but I love psychology and read loads of books on the human brain, personalities, disorders and cognitive behavior. I agree with you - I believe as you do, that a great number of individuals are diagnosed with some form of mental disorder or another. According to a survey completed in 2004 by Time Magazine, 200,000 Americans (appx. 20,000 Canadians) experience some level of depression 3 days in each month.
If a person truly believes nobody, including themselves deserve success or happiness, that would be a false belief - ( Everybody does deserve success and happiness - success and happiness is different from one person to the next - but everybody deserves to be happy in life) If they retreat and isolate themselves for an extended period of time because they could not find a sense of peace, on their pursuit of happiness, among other behaviors, then yes one could assume this person could be falling into a deep depression.
The human brain is still an undiscovered area of our anatomy -- we have lots to learn when it comes to our brains. But one thing is clear, depression seems to be a Western World phenomenon - which leads most people in the field of psychology to assume that depression is the manifestation of environmental influences - external to one.
I assume by 'depression' you mean a general, it can happen to anyone, kind of low spirits? Clinical depression is a very serious illness. Fortunately, I've never suffered from it, or been close to anyone sufferering from this destructive condition. I do know enough about it to think that if I had, I would probably take issue with some of your sweeping statements. Clinical depression is an illness over which the sufferer has no control, and for which they can't be held 'responsible'. I'm not sure your comments are actually very helpful. Perhaps you need to take more care over the terms you bandy about here. It could be quite hurtful, even offensive, to put forward such ideas.
It's a good thing we live in a democratic society - Freedom of speech is my right the last time I checked. Leigh I appreciate all comments made by the readers of this blog - including those of readers that do not agree with the facts I present. I'm sorry you feel so strongly about my post today leigh, but perhaps you might want to do a little research on depression and self-esteem before you come back blasting me for what I'm entitled to believe and share with the readers of this blog.
Have a great day!
leigh, i was surprised by your antagonistic post -- especially considering you state you are uniquely unqualified to 'bandy' about such opinions. Perhaps you should follow your own advice and take more care. i have two close friends who have been diagnosed with depression. i have the experience you lack and have been by their sides and listened to their stories and trials. when getting out of bed and getting dressed is a huge accomplishment in a persons life, it is fair to say that knowing you have value, are worthy of that value and are appreciated and loved for just being, in other words, having a healthy self-esteem would be beneficial. building self-esteem is one of the topics both friends worked on extensively. perhaps next time, leigh, when you know not of what you speak, you may want to bite your tongue and do some research before commenting with such sweeping, inaccurate statements.
bruno, great post!
storm
Well I don't know about all that. What I do know is that my self esteem has grown with maturity, and I could have done with a little coaching in this area when I was younger.
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